some people believe that allowing children to make their own decisions on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important to make decisions about matters that affect them discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #decisions #matters #society #individuals

There are two ways of thinking in terms of giving chance to

children

to decide daily things in their

life

. Some opinions say it could lead them to be egoistic and other opinions think that it is important to give them a chance to choose things in their

life

This

essay is going to support a view on how decisions made by

children

could positively affect their lives.

Firstly

life

is full of choices and introducing it to

children

as early as possible might make them start earlier in making decisions that maybe would give them either advantages or disadvantages.

Although

the disadvantages are sometimes bad, it will teach them how to make choices carefully and think before they act. Decision-making making

Correct your spelling

show examples

early age could widely expand their way of thinking. As they grow,

this

skill could be sharper and might be useful in their school

life

or work phase.

Secondly

, there are always two kinds of positions in terms of decision-making, whether it is pros or cons.

This

means they would be exposed to different kinds of views which leads them to respect another person's point of view. Respecting others is one of the important things to teach as early as possible and doing so

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

could make those

children

aware of validating others' opinions and learning to not judge other's views. in conclusion, I strongly agree with normalizing

children

to choose their way of thinking in every aspect of their

life

as it could them to be a better person when they grow up.

Submitted by pocutarifahzahrina on Wed Mar 06 2024

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points about the benefits and potential downsides of children making decisions. This will make your arguments more compelling and relatable.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by explanations and examples. This will help in presenting more cohesive and coherent arguments.

task achievement

Try to provide a more balanced discussion by exploring both views mentioned in the topic more equally before stating your opinion. This will ensure a more comprehensive response to the task.

coherence cohesion

Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your line of thought.

coherence cohesion

Conclude your essay by summarizing the main arguments discussed and clearly restate your opinion. This will provide a strong closure and reinforce your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Fosters
Critical thinking
Personal growth
Overemphasis
Self-centered mentality
Consequences
Freedom
Lack of experience
Balance
Guided
Engaging
Sense of inclusion
Validating

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