IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children should be brought up in cities. Others believe that the countryside offers a better environment for children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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To begin
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, individuals think that adolescents should go to the capital but others perceive that they live in the countryside for a better environment.
Although
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 both views have some merits and demerits for the children I will discuss both views in detail in the upcoming paragraphs.
However
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, most of the vehicles move to places, where they produce carbon emissions which leads to abuse.
Instead
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 of, adolescents living in the countryside they are safer from deterioration because there are many trees and greenery.
Moreover
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, pollution and carbon emissions cause health issues that easily on offspring and create many health issues
such
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 as respiratory, viral fever and lung infections.
On the other hand
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, countryside life is better for children because their environment is very clear and makes their well-being perfect.
For instance
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, many adolescents suffered lung infections from the pollution they lived in cities, which was proven in the survey
last
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 few years.
Nevertheless
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, it cannot be denied that good education is provided in urban areas because many institutions provide a high quality of schooling.
Hence
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, if a child lives in rural areas
then
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 they have limited sources of study
such
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 as local schools and government colleges that provide education in the rural side.
For example
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, if offspring live in a rural site they complete their primary and secondary learning and afterwards move to the cities to gain admission to bachelor's and now they grow in their future in adulthood. In conclusion, a few people believe that it is beneficial to move to children's rural areas rather than cities for better nature. In my opinion, offspring could brought to a metropolis because it is very beneficial for their future
as well as
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 managing some precautionary steps for fitness related they can prevent any kind of well-being problems.

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your arguments more effectively. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations, examples, and a concluding sentence that reinforces the main point.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Aim to be more specific in your examples and explanations, providing detailed evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve your use of connectors and transition phrases to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the task by discussing both views equally and clearly stating your own opinion. Your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion emphatically.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban upbringing
  • cultural diversity
  • serene environment
  • open-mindedness
  • adaptability
  • health and wellbeing
  • quality education
  • healthcare facilities
  • sense of community
  • independence
  • creativity
  • physical and mental wellbeing
  • social bonds
  • enrichment
  • exposure
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