IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is better for people to be unemployed than to be employed in jobs they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Being employed in a
job
Use synonyms
 is a crucial part of anyone's adult life, it is a journey that everyone goes through. In my opinion, it is important for a person to get a
job
Use synonyms
 even if they do not like it, especially at the beginning of their career because getting experience will open up a lot of prospects.
However
Linking Words
, I do not agree with that statement fully.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, getting a
job
Use synonyms
 that you do not like at the beginning of your career is totally normal, you might find it tedious at the start but the more you explore and try to have fun with it the more your eyes will be open for far greater opportunities.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, you might even do a whole career shift and you would be successful at it. Keeping an open mind is key.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there's a specific degree of tolerance to any
job
Use synonyms
 you do not enjoy, you might find it hard not just because of the boring daily tasks but rather the toxic people that work there and in
this
Linking Words
 case, it is a valid reason.
For example
Linking Words
, if the
job
Use synonyms
 has an incompetent manager or a co-worker that just throws all of their daily tasks on you and overloads your work agenda,
this
Linking Words
 scenario is not fun to come to every day and it would devastate your mental health eventually, any sane person would get burnt out quickly and quit as soon as they get the chance to. In conclusion, I think it is okay to have a
job
Use synonyms
 that you do not find joy in and still be able to come to every day, but at the same time your mental health is far more crucial than getting experience, so balancing these two things is detrimental.
Submitted by ah.000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve, provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments more clearly and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your supporting points are well-organized and flow seamlessly.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear start and finish to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: