Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution

In the modern era, the relationship between public

health

and environmental factors has become increasingly evident.

While

medical advancements have played a crucial role in preventing and treating illnesses, addressing environmental

pollution

and housing problems is equally imperative. I firmly agree that

governments

should prioritize these issues to mitigate the risks of illness and disease.

Firstly

, environmental

pollution

poses significant

health

hazards. Air

pollution

for instance

, contributes to respiratory

diseases

such

as asthma and bronchitis. Water

pollution

leads to waterborne

diseases

like cholera and dysentery. By reducing

pollution

levels through stricter regulations on industries and promoting cleaner energy sources,

governments

can substantially improve public

health

outcomes.

Secondly

, housing problems directly impact

health

outcomes. Inadequate housing conditions, including overcrowding and poor sanitation, are breeding grounds for infectious

diseases

such

as tuberculosis and influenza.

Moreover

, substandard housing exacerbates chronic

health

conditions like cardiovascular

diseases

and mental

health

disorders.

Governments

should prioritize initiatives to improve housing quality, ensuring access to safe and affordable housing for all citizens.

Furthermore

, addressing environmental

pollution

and housing issues is a preventive approach that can alleviate the burden on healthcare systems. By investing in

pollution

control measures and housing infrastructure,

governments

can reduce the prevalence of preventable

diseases

, leading to fewer hospitalizations and lower healthcare costs in the long run. In conclusion, prioritizing efforts to reduce environmental

pollution

and housing problems is paramount for safeguarding public

health

. By tackling these root causes,

governments

can create healthier and more sustainable environments for their citizens, ultimately leading to improved well-being and reduced healthcare burdens.

Submitted by monahhj123 on Thu Mar 07 2024

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task achievement

While you've clearly tackled the prompt and communicated your stance effectively, incorporating more specific examples and data would further strengthen your argument. For instance, when mentioning health hazards related to pollution and housing, citing studies or statistics to support these claims can make your points more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Your essay displays a strong logical structure, making your argument easy to follow. However, to enhance cohesion further, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs. This will help to ensure a smoother flow of ideas throughout your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

254 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
environmental regulations
respiratory diseases
public health policies
sanitation facilities
urban planning
communicable diseases
socio-economic factors
sustainable development
government intervention
healthcare infrastructure
industrial emissions
air quality index
affordable housing
mental wellbeing

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Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

some people say that computer game are bad for children by all means; others believe that these games are contributing to children's development discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that the society should be based on rules and laws. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recent advances in medicine have resulted in an increase in life expectancy over the past four years. Do you think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some parents believe that extra private lessons outside school hours, where students work alone with a teacher, can help them do better at school. Others disagree. What are the advantages and disadvantages of private tuition? And give your own opinion.

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches.