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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There has been a debate about whether
children
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 should be allowed to make
decisions
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 on different types of tasks. Some people believe that it would possibly lead to a selfish community if
children
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 make
decisions
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 on their own daily needs,
while
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 others believe that it is more vital for
children
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 to make
choices
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 about things that affect them.
This
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 essay aims to discuss both views
along with
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 my opinion. On one hand, independence is a crucial skill that
children
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 need to cultivate, especially in a world filled with abundant
choices
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. When
children
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 can decide on their own, they are more likely to have independent thinking abilities.
For example
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,
children
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 come up with ideas of what to wear not only means that they know themselves in depth but are
also
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 willing to share their thoughts. They clearly understand what colors they like, and which outfit style they would like to exhibit and share the clothing concept with others.
Moreover
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, they might be more determined when facing issues since they know which is the most suitable choice.
Thus
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, I believe that
children
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 making their own
decisions
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 results in a unique community
instead
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 of a selfish one.
On the other hand
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, being able to decide on serious issues is indeed important,
nevertheless
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, it is
also
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 vital to make basic
choices
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 as they are part of their life. In my opinion,
children
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 should be required with the ability to practice comprehensive thinking and be responsible.
For instance
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, when
children
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 lack in ability to
decide
Verb problem
make
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 basic
choices
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such
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 as culinary options, it might lead to
an
Correct article usage
apply
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irresponsible
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
 because they don't need to make up their minds on
such
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 simple needs. In conclusion, I believe that making
decisions
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 in daily and effective matters is equally crucial.
However
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,
children
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 should not be restricted by what they are allowed to decide.
In contrast
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,
children
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 should be encouraged to think and make
decisions
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 on every task independently, furthering their unique ideas and afterwards resulting in an exclusive community.

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task achievement
You did well in providing a discussion on both sides of the argument and gave your opinion. However, the examples provided could be more specific and connected closely to support the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that your sentences are varied in length and structure, as it helps maintain the reader's interest and improves overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion nicely.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views which is a strong point for the task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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