Some people believe that new technologies like mobiles kills social interaction . Do you agree or disagree ?

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Technology gives us to access a lot of opportunities that we cannot
if
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have if
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we didn't have mobiles. It
also
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allows people to communicate
eventhought
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even thought
even though
there is a very long distance.
This
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essay will discuss why in
sone
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some
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exceptional states
dechnology
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technology
can harm our communication skills and social
life
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. Since the first time we
acquire
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acquired
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our
phones
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phones,
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they were meant to be helpful devices to facilitate our lifestyle just like every
inventions
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invention
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did. They helped us reach
eachother
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each other
wherever we
are
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were
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. Nowadays we have
also
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the ability to encounter
with
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apply
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new people and increase our knowledge because social media is like an endless information source.
While
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these opportunities can always seem beneficial there are
sone
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some
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situations where
this
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kind of technology can be
addicted
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addictive
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and separate us from the real
life
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's gifts that we congenitally have. At the
sane
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same
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time, it can prevent us from reinforcing our
face to face
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face-to-face
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social skills and make us feel insecure or uncomfortable
while
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we are meeting people in real
life
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.
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Also
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Also,
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especially kids who got to know social media at
very
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a very
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young age seemed to be less comfortable and confident in
the
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apply
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real
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real-life
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life
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social experiences.
This
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essay discussed that technologies
such
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as mobiles can be as harmful as
they
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they are
they were
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helpful. So we need to balance our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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between them.
Submitted by y2xhnc84j6 on

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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and provides some arguments both for and against the influence of technology on social interactions. However, the response could be enhanced by stating a clear position in the introduction and concluding with a summary of your viewpoint. This will ensure a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure, with paragraphs separating ideas, the transitions between these ideas could be smoother. Utilize phrases like 'However', 'Furthermore', or 'On the other hand' to clearly signify shifts in argument or additional points. This will improve the flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
task achievement
Your main points are supported, but integrating more specific examples or real-world cases could strengthen your arguments. Demonstrating how technology affects social abilities with concrete examples will make your points more persuasive and comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face communication
  • instant messaging
  • social skills
  • nonverbal cues
  • distractions
  • notifications
  • social media
  • echo chambers
  • diverse perspectives
  • social connectivity
  • online communities
  • transcend
  • social integration
  • remote areas
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