Some people believe that new technologies like mobiles kills social interaction . Do you agree or disagree ?
Technology gives us to access a lot of opportunities that we cannot
if
we didn't have mobiles. It Add a missing verb
have if
also
allows people to communicate eventhought
there is a very long distance. Correct your spelling
even thought
even though
This
essay will discuss why in sone
exceptional states Correct your spelling
some
dechnology
can harm our communication skills and social Correct your spelling
technology
life
.
Since the first time we acquire
our Wrong verb form
acquired
phones
they were meant to be helpful devices to facilitate our lifestyle just like every Add a comma
phones,
inventions
did. They helped us reach Change to a singular noun
invention
eachother
wherever we Correct your spelling
each other
are
. Nowadays we have Wrong verb form
were
also
the ability to encounter with
new people and increase our knowledge because social media is like an endless information source.
Change preposition
apply
While
these opportunities can always seem beneficial there are sone
situations where Correct your spelling
some
this
kind of technology can be addicted
and separate us from the real Replace the word
addictive
life
's gifts that we congenitally have. At the sane
time, it can prevent us from reinforcing our Correct your spelling
same
face to face
social skills and make us feel insecure or uncomfortable Add a hyphen
face-to-face
while
we are meeting people in real life
. Also
especially kids who got to know social media at Add a comma
Also,
very
young age seemed to be less comfortable and confident in Add an article
a very
the
Correct article usage
apply
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
life
social experiences.
This
essay discussed that technologies such
as mobiles can be as harmful as they
helpful. So we need to balance our Add a verb
they are
they were
life
between them.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Submitted by y2xhnc84j6 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and provides some arguments both for and against the influence of technology on social interactions. However, the response could be enhanced by stating a clear position in the introduction and concluding with a summary of your viewpoint. This will ensure a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure, with paragraphs separating ideas, the transitions between these ideas could be smoother. Utilize phrases like 'However', 'Furthermore', or 'On the other hand' to clearly signify shifts in argument or additional points. This will improve the flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
task achievement
Your main points are supported, but integrating more specific examples or real-world cases could strengthen your arguments. Demonstrating how technology affects social abilities with concrete examples will make your points more persuasive and comprehensive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.