IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individual and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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There are tons of social media applications now that
people
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 are using, in
this
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 generation where everyone is into technology. A
lot
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 of
people
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 think using these apps has a bad side effect for us and the economy. In
this
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 essay, I will tackle the extent to which I agree.
To begin
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 with, everything we do now is connected to technologies; it has become part of our lives. Especially the social networking sites like Facebook. A
lot
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 of
people
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 are into it, posting their daily
life
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 updates and searching for what is on trend.
For instance
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, the young generations use it a
lot
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 for connecting with friends, especially those whom they’ve known long-distance.
Hence
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, because communication got easier for everyone, sharing thoughts and ideas became more achievable.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 is the advantage of technologies to be connected and make our lives easier than before.
On the other hand
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, if
people
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 are not putting any limitation using of it, it can cause a negative impact on individuals
as well as
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 society. Perhaps it can result in a
lot
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 of stress and anxiety for the person.
For example
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, being engaged too much, seeing your friends, relatives, and co-workers having a wonderful
life
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, you can’t help but compare yourself to them. As well, thinking you’re not doing great in your own
life
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.
To conclude
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, I believe that using social media has a negative impact on all of us, because it can highlight only the good sides of
life
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 rather than the real living in reality.
Therefore
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, if we don’t control or limit the usage of those applications, we will always be living in a sad and uncontented world.

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task response
Make your main answer clearer from the start. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Add one more clear idea about how social media affects society, not only one person.
task response
Explain your examples more. Show how each example supports your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way, like first, however, for example, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and develop it fully.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter and clearer so your meaning is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples to support your ideas.
task response
Your writing stays on the topic of social media in most parts.
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