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Band 6

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individual can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

#people #government #changes #society #influence
Everyone dislikes the disturbance caused by new laws in society or even in their own lives. Change is inescapable and one should treat it in an optimistic way.
This
 essay will shed light on the reasons why people like to remain the same and suggest why new updates in
life
 should be considered as something favourable. There can be many
changes
 in a society in the form of new laws and procedures, that aim to curb malpractices or protect our nature. Those
changes
 can disturb the equilibrium and cause chaos in the whole nation.
For example
, in India, Demonetization happened in 2016 when every citizen was required to return 2000 currency to the bank.
This
 act affected many businesses tremendously old currency was prohibited
while
 making transactions; it shook the whole nation specifically the poor. In personal
life
, one has to make various decisions which could be hard, challenging and risky.
For example
, taking admission
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
post graduation
Add a hyphen
post-graduation
show examples
 courses as an international
student
 could be quite challenging
due to
 its repercussions. The
student
 needs to get passing scores on various tests, be financially strong, and face rejections during
visa
Add an article
the visa
show examples
 process, thereby affecting the mental health of an individual.
Moreover
, it could require change in their attitude, behaviour towards
life
, and resilience towards failure. Even though the
changes
 are emotionally and physically draining in the beginning, the end result is rewarding. When a person fights the challenges to adapt to the
changes
, he learns and becomes independent and financially strong. Demonetization was first considered a rough and bad decision,
according to
 the locals, but it proved beneficial in reducing corruption and bribery. The whole visa and admission process for a
student
 could be demotivating at times but it opens new career opportunities and door for migration.
While
 adjusting to the new culture in a foreign land, the
student
 might learn many things regarding local traditions which could be useful in applying for part-time positions to earn money.
To conclude
,
changes
 are an inevitable part of one's
life
 which should be dealt with courage. The
changes
 make a person independent, strong, and mature in decision-making, helping in the growth of an individual and the nation.
Submitted by jahnvi.singh1812 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your task response, make sure your essay directly addresses the task given. Your introduction should clearly state your opinion on the topic, which your body paragraphs then support with specific examples and analysis. Your conclusion should succinctly restate your opinion with a summary of the key points you discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that your essay flows logically from one idea to the next. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by explanations and examples. Use cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, transition phrases) appropriately to link sentences and paragraphs, but be careful not to overuse them.
Coherence & Cohesion
To aid cohesion, structure your essay in a clear, logical manner. Begin with an introduction that outlines the essay's structure and your viewpoint. In the body, discuss each point in a new paragraph, using topic sentences to introduce paragraphs, and conclude with a paragraph that summarizes the central ideas and restates your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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