IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #world #life #expectancy #situation
People
's lifespans are increasing globally. Medical care over the past century has improved significantly, enabling
people
 to overcome diseases that were once incurable. Not only medicine has improved since the
last
 century, but
also
life
 standards, quality and duration of
life
. The benefits of
this
 progress far outweigh the drawbacks. One obvious issue with an ageing population is that socioeconomic factors are becoming more unstable
,
Remove the comma
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 because it’s not a fact that the elders will be in a bad condition. By
this
, I mean that some old
people
 still working and occupying potential jobs for the youth. In fact, it will be more difficult for the new generation to get a job based on their higher degree. But
on the other hand
, the mental
life
 quality and health of
people
 are sharply improving year by year. Having said that, one obvious benefit to
people
 living longer is that they have even more opportunities in their lives.
Consequently
, the mental health of
people
 is
also
 improving a lot. By
this
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mean that all over the world
people
 already become more kinder, more responsible and friendlier to each other.
For example
, it allows
people
 to reach more personal, social and professional goals throughout their
life
. So, elders
also
 could try something new and even turn their dreams into reality. Weighing up both sides of the argument again, it absolutely has a lot of advantages of increasing
life
 expectancy. The ability of a person to live longer in a kind and comfortable society with excellent medicine, with the opportunity to try everything, is wonderful.
Submitted by aakbarov2010 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity by consistently structuring paragraphs around single, clear ideas. For example, separate discussions about employment issues and psychological benefits into distinct paragraphs.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, mention specific initiatives or case studies that demonstrate older adults contributing to society or the economy.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, be mindful of vocabulary accuracy. Examples: replace casual phrases like 'all over the world' with 'globally' for a more formal tone.
introduction conclusion present
You clearly introduced the topic and provided a conclusion that summarized your viewpoint effectively.
complete response
You addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of increasing life expectancy, providing a well-rounded discussion.
supported main points
Your essay has a good balanced approach, especially in addressing both sides of the argument. This is crucial in discussing complex issues like life expectancy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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