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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experi

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There is a recurring argument that with access to a wide range of new and innovative
technologies
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, the way of spending leisure
time
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 with
children
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 has changed.
This
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 writer argues that the benefits of developing problem-solving
skills
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 and staying connected with family and friends outweigh the drawbacks of sleep disorders. The most advantageous factor of modern
technologies
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 is their ability to promote learning and
skills
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 development for
children
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. To explain
further
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, there is a variety of educational apps and games that can help
children
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 learn mathematics, science, and language
skills
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 in a simple, fun, and engaging manner.
Additionally
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, video games have the potential to teach
children
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 problem-solving
skills
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, critical thinking, and hand-eye coordination which is essential for their work and study. From prior knowledge, in most developed countries, youngsters are encouraged to interact with technology since the first year of primary education. Keeping in touch with families and friends must
also
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 be considered. It must be recognised that
technologies
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such
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 as social media, messaging apps, and video chat programs can enhance modes of communication allowing
children
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 to stay connected with friends and family who live far away from them.
In other words
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, those individuals have the ability to send messages
as well as
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 have video calls through social platforms. Thereby,
children
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 can stay closer with whom they love.
However
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, a few parents believe that
technologies
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 could pose a risk to the physical and mental health of
children
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 who get too much screen
time
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. They believe that spending too much
time
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 on devices can cause sleep disorders, which is the consequence of stopping melatonin in our bodies
due to
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 the blue light.
This
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 may be true, but by effective parental control, the amount of
time
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 that
children
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 spend on technology devices will be reduced. Taking all points into account, the possible impact of
children
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 have lack of sleep is outweighed by the opportunity to gain vital
skills
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 and keep in touch with each other.
Hence
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, access to technology can be beneficial for kids.

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Lexical Resource
Increase the range and accuracy of the vocabulary you use to express your ideas more precisely. Consider incorporating more nuanced language and varied sentence structures.
Task Response
While you have demonstrated your ability to respond to the task appropriately, try to expand your response by considering multiple perspectives. Besides the ones you've discussed, consider briefly acknowledging other potential disadvantages of technology for a more balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. You can do this by using a wider range of linking phrases and words that clearly show the relationship between ideas, thus making your essay easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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