The bestway to reduce youth crime is to educate parents about good parenting skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Adolescence crimes are said to have increased nowadays and a notion has been raised that in order to reduce
such
actions from youngsters, parents need to be taught about the skills of good parenting. Personally, I completely disagree with this
statement and here, I am going to consider below two arguments to support my position.
The main reason why I think this
is that not all teen crime is directly linked to parenting and the presence of a teacher during a child's growth is obviously more influential since most of their time is spent at school. This
means that educators have the duty and right to guide the young generation to the right path. Specifically, they need to observe the learners and figure out which one is having a hard time at home or at school, so they can timely provide the proper help troubled kids need. For instance
, teachers could organise group activities that involve parental participation. Through collaborative play and problem-solving tasks, kids learn essential skills such
as sharing, taking turns, and resolving conflicts constructively. Additionally
, involving parents in these activities provides opportunities for them to observe their children's interactions with others and offer guidance and support as needed.
Another reason is that focusing only on parenting skills might not address deeper societal issues that lead to teenage crime, covering poverty, inequality, and lack of educational and employment opportunities. For example
, we can imagine that those troubled teenagers generally have a special family background and difficulties - such
as poverty, single-parent families, and reorganized families- making them lack love and appropriate guidance and go astray. Given this
, we need to help these families overcome their difficulties and prevent more negative social factors, including violence, bullying and fraud，from affecting youngsters' physical and mental health development.
In conclusion, youth crimes are a complex societal problem demanding all the stakeholders to give more attention and take collaborative actions to deal with it instead
of solely urging parents to change.Submitted by fiona_19910501 on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a well-structured argument, consider introducing more varied transition phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your essay does a good job of developing and supporting main points. To elevate this further, try to include a wider range of examples and evidence. This could involve citing specific studies, statistics, or more detailed scenarios that underscore your arguments.
task achievement
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task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, contributing to an effective task response. For further improvement, consider sharpening the specificity of your examples to directly relate back to the essay question, reinforcing the relevance of your arguments.
task achievement
To boost the relevance and specificity of your examples, focus on integrating more real-world scenarios or data that directly relate to the impact of parental influence on youth crime. This will provide stronger evidence for your arguments and further enrich your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
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