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Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #time
Some people harbour a belief that national economic success is associated with
work
time
.
Therefore
,
countries
 which have long average working hours are economically superior to those without long
work
time
. From my perspective, I am inclined to stand with the sceptics as it is more important to develop promising industries than prolong working hours.
Initially
, one of the main arguments for its rejection is that long
work
time
 does not guarantee the advantages of economic performance. Take
Taiwan
for example
, employees in
Taiwan
 only have 17 official days off per year which is much fewer than in most Western
countries
.
However
,no one will deny that the economic development in Western
countries
 exceeds that in
Taiwan
.
Thus
,
Taiwan
 is a salient example which demonstrates
work
 hours are not in direct proportion to economic results.
According to
 the aforementioned, it is not the
time
 expenditure that matters in a country's economic growth. At the other end of the spectrum, a precise vision of future trends will bring about a significant impact on the social economy.
For instance
, the growing tendency of K-pop not only considerably changes the world but
also
 makes Korean economic status skyrocket. Nowadays, Korea is known for its entertainment industry.
Hence
, focusing on industrial enhancements is crucial to improving a country's economy.
To sum up
, long average
work
time
 may not be an indispensable factor
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a country’s economic growth.
Besides
, prospering industrial development plays a relatively vital role in the improvement of economic success.
Thus
,
countries
 in which employees averagely
work
 for a long
time
 do not ensure their economic increase.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction briefly outlines your argument and that the conclusion summarises your key points concisely. While you've done this, refining and clarifying your thesis statement would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
To improve clarity and comprehension of ideas, it is beneficial to use a variety of complex structures and vocabulary. Avoid repetition of phrases and try to diversify your language.
task achievement
To bolster your argument, provide more detailed examples and evidence. While the reference to Taiwan and Korea is effective, incorporating additional statistics or studies could further support your claims.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure, showing clear organization of ideas. Enhancing logical flow can be achieved by improving transitions between paragraphs and sentences, ensuring seamless progression of thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • working hours
  • productivity
  • sustainable development
  • work-life balance
  • labor laws
  • efficiency
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • burnout
  • occupational health
  • technological innovation
  • industrialized nations
  • emerging economies
  • workforce
  • competitiveness
  • workplace culture
  • employee turnover
  • quality of life
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