Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In
this
era, a range of options of
therapy are available to be chosen by patients. Change preposition
for
As a result
, a shif
happens as more and more Correct your spelling
shift
people
prefer to opt for alternative
medicine
instead
of using conventional medicine
by visiting doctors. From my point of view, it is quite difficult to consider this
as a positive development
.
First of all, alternative
treatment and medicine
are seen as a positive development
for some people
as it
could be provided at a more affordable price than conventional Correct pronoun usage
they
medicine
. This
option seems to be more feasible for some groups of people
who can not afford conventional treatment For instance
, chemotherapy for cancer patients usually costs millions Change preposition
of rupiah
rupiah
, Change preposition
of rupiah
whereas
alternative
medicine
sometimes offers the treatment at a price of less than one million rupiah
However
, instead
of curing illnesses, alternative
medicine
could possibly worsen people
's current condition and even lead to another
health Correct quantifier usage
other
issue
. Inaccurate assessment given by the therapist Fix the agreement mistake
issues
along with
insufficient risk-benefit analysis are the main reasons why this
happens. For example
, There
are many cases where a patient with diabetes is treated with a herb mixture to decrease the level of blood sugar and ends up collapsing as their blood sugar decreases to the point where It is intolerable. Fix capitalization
there
Also
, sore
researchers have proven that the use of herbs taken as Correct your spelling
some
medicine
. not processed well, could harm the kidney and lead to the development
of kidney stones.
in conclusion, even though nowadays people
arque
that Correct your spelling
argue
argued
alternative
medicine
is a positive development
due to
its price. I want to reaffirm my statement that this
phenomenon tends to be negative since it could lead to further
unpredictable health issuesSubmitted by ggitasari on
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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Your essay introduced both sides, but elaborating on why choosing alternative medicine might be seen as a positive development could offer a more balanced discussion. This involves analyzing motivations behind such choices and discussing their potential benefits, not just their affordability.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim to present ideas in a more connected and fluid manner. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next with the use of suitable linking words. For example, transitions such as 'On the other hand' or 'Conversely' can effectively contrast points between conventional and alternative treatments, enhancing readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
In terms of task response, it would be beneficial to further examine the implications of your arguments. Discussing wider implications of preferring alternative treatments, such as its impact on public health or healthcare systems, can provide a more in-depth analysis and demonstrate your ability to engage critically with the topic.