IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that drivers should cover the costs.

#cars #increases #money #road #systems #people #government #drivers #costs
People
 have different views about whether the
government
 is in charge of paying for road maintenance or whether car owners should spend
money
 on it.
While
 some consider the drivers should pay for it, I believe that it is the
government
's responsibility to provide expenses for the road system. On the one hand, it is generally acknowledged that building and repairing public facilities needs a huge amount of investment which sometimes is out of the
government
's affordability. So,
people
's participation will be beneficial and accelerate the process.
In addition
, the more
people
 pay
money
 for something, the more they will be careful about it. The facilities which are being used by individuals, need every single person's attention to remain intact and not damaged.
For instance
, you can see
people
's sensitivity to their home appliances which cost some
money
 for them.
On the other hand
, it is reasonably expected that the
government
 provides maintenance expenses by the tax they had been paid by
people
.
This
 is one usage of the
money
 which is received from
people
.
Moreover
, considering the difficult situation of life in our country (
such
 as the high inflation rate and low incomes)
people
 are not wealthy enough to pay for these issues on behalf of the
government
. Their priority is being careful about their family's personal problems. As an illustration, a person whose child is suffering from a disease, will not prioritise the public problems to his or her own difficulty.
Consequently
,
although
people
 who try to help the
government
 with the expenses of public facilities are adorable, I am of the opinion that the
government
 should cover these issues' budget
according to
 their responsibility.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task response, try to include more specific examples that directly support your arguments. This makes your argument more convincing and grounded in reality.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will help to make your essay flow better and be easier to read.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, continuously develop your ability to present balanced arguments by exploring both sides of the issue in depth before presenting your own opinion. This shows critical thinking skills and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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