IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is a natural process that animal species such as dinosaurs become extinct. There is no reason for people to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

#process #species #dinosaurs #reason #people
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It is believed that a natural process that makes
animals
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 like dinosaurs become extinct and there is no specific reason for humans to prevent it. I personally disagree with the situation.
Although
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 we all can agree that a million years ago,
animals
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such
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 as dinosaurs and many other pre-historic
animals
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 were wiped out
due to
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 several natural disasters like climate changes or the rise of the sea level,
this
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 is not the main factor that led to many
animals
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' extinction nowadays. At present, it can be easy to see the increase in the amount of goods made from
animals
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' products
such
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 as skins and horns, leading to the endangered of many
animals
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,
for instance
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, rhinos and elephants.
As a result
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, humans are a big contributor to
animals
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' disappearance. Another reason that people may care about that,
animals
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 not only balance the earth's ecosystem
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 bring employment to many people in the world. Everything is connected, when an animal is extinct or dies, it interrupts other
animals
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 and plant's food chain.
Animals
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also
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 contribute to the huge biodiversity of the planet, making it more beautiful.
On the other hand
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, a large amount of farmers relied on
animals
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 in their lives.
Animals
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 can even become a country's icon,
for example
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, the eagle stands for the freedom and the power of America. A single animal cannot affect a whole natural process, but protecting or preventing the extinction of an animal will have a severe influence on many important aspects of our lives.
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coherence
The essay could benefit from a stronger conclusion that reaffirms the main points discussed and gives a final statement of your view.
coherence
Some of the ideas could be organized more logically. Ensure that each main idea is fully developed before moving on to the next one.
task
Include more specific examples and data to strengthen your argument and provide clear evidence for your viewpoints.
task
Work on making your language and ideas more varied to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
task
Your essay addresses the task and provides a clear viewpoint with reasons and examples, which is good for task response.
coherence
The introduction clearly sets up the argument, and the body paragraphs each address a different aspect of the topic, which helps in maintaining a structured response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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