IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Do the advantages of government spending their money on college and university fees for student outweigh the disadvantage?

#government #money #college #university #fees #student
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Working as a Product Lead (2 products, PLM Enovia and 1C ROM) and managing a department as part of a unit responsible for the architecture of the Production & Sourcing areas.
Implementation
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 of projects aimed at increasing sales.
Development
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 of SLA, SLO, SLI, analytical dashboards, architectural solutions,
conducting
Correct word choice
and conducting
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 research.
Development
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 of
development
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 strategies, roadmaps for product
development
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, formation of product requirements and interaction with customers, assessment of the cost and duration of
work
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, determination of the composition and capacity of
development
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 teams, determination of needs for infrastructure and server capacity, budgeting, organization of
work
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 between different departments within the framework of project
implementation
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 and
implementation
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 of architectural solutions. Team
development
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 and use of production metrics
such
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 as LeadTime, CycleTime, Velocity, TTM, MTBF,
MTTR
Correct word choice
and MTTR
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.
Work
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 using Kanban and Scrum (combined with Waterfall when implementing projects). Results
:
Remove the comma
apply
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 increased productivity and business efficiency
due to
Linking Words
 automation, increased sales
as a result
Linking Words
 of the
implementation
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 of projects to develop the functionality of information systems, increasing the efficiency of the
development
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 team by reducing the number of support tasks, optimizing meetings,
improving
Correct word choice
and improving
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 the quality of analysis and
work
Use synonyms
 planning.
Submitted by yarinka13 on

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task response
Your essay does not address the given topic about the advantages and disadvantages of government spending on higher education fees. It's essential to closely read and adhere to the topic to ensure relevance in your response.
coherence and cohesion
There is a lack of clear organization in the essay. It is essential to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part should smoothly transition into the next for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
To improve on task achievement, make sure that your essay directly addresses the question asked, providing clear arguments for both sides if the task requires a discussion, and concluding with a summarized opinion if prompted. Include specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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