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Band 7.5

There are those who consider work to be the paramount aspect of life, suggesting that without career success, life loses its meaning. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#work #aspect #life #career #success
Some people subscribe to the belief that the success of a
career
 presents a profound aspect of our lives. Personally, I disagree with
this
 opinion for several reasons, which will be laid out in
this
 essay. Some individuals view
career
 success as the symbol of a meaningful
life
 for two main factors.
Firstly
, the accomplishment of working makes them feel a sense of achievement. When people accomplish some tough tasks and make profits, it seems like they create value for the enterprise.
Secondly
, a number of individuals tend to make money and salary equal to their
life
 value.
Consequently
, if they gain the achievements of their profession, they would view those as the success of
life
.
Nevertheless
, I would argue that our
life
 is comprised of numerous aspects. Not only a successful
career
 but
also
 other matters,
such
 as donations, and social work, can make
life
 significant.
For instance
, Dr Mackay, a doctor who supported free medical treatment for Taiwanese in the 19th century, was viewed as a great man in history. Even though he did not make profits in his livelihood, all of the individuals who were cured by him displayed huge appreciation and respect for Dr. Mackay.
As a result
, from my perspective, people should not regard
career
 accomplishment as the only metric of our livelihood. In conclusion,
although
 we cannot deny that money plays a prominent role in
life
, I still hold the opinion that there are still lots of different aspects that deserve us to make
life
 worthwhile.
Submitted by sherry0588 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Consider exploring your main points in greater depth and providing more specific, detailed examples to illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on linking your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly signal the main idea of each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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