When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
When new cities are planned, it is
more
vitally important to construct more public facilities, Correct quantifier usage
apply
such
as gardens and sports
centers
, rather than large-scale malls for shopping because citizens spend their free time in those kinds of places. For Change the spelling
centres
this
argument, I totally agree with these concepts since, in this
disease era, the government needs to pay attention to the health and fitness of its inhabitants.
Firstly
, there are several reasons to develop the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
centers
because nowadays Change the spelling
centres
people
are more inclined to stay at home due to
the bad weather conditions and pollution. Thus
, people
do not offer to do outdoor exercises or activities. Gradually, people
are less aware of the importance of an active lifestyle. That way, the government should ensure Change noun form
residents'
resident's
residents
well-being by constructing luxurious and modernized Change noun form
residents'
sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
such
as large swimming pools, ski fields, stunning parks, and jogging paths. Thus
, we can encourage citizens to come out and engage with nature and cities rather than living
in their homes.
Wrong verb form
live
Secondly
, in this
contemporary era, because of technological advancements, people
tend to play virtual games rather than actual activities. That is
because they considered video games to be more intriguing and advantageous for them. Moreover
, the cities that they live in might lack public leisure facilities to absorb their energy, which is why they just consume their energy through computer games. Therefore
, if the authorities can build more amusing sports
places, it can obviously reduce the dweller's sedentary lifestyle and prevent diseases.
In conclusion, building more activity centers
can have an abundance of benefits and can build a healthy community for citizens. Change the spelling
centres
For shopping
Change preposition
Shopping
centers
, it can Change the spelling
centres
also
have certain benefits, but in my opinion, adding more sports
centers
will outweigh the drawbacks.Change the spelling
centres
Submitted by haixiuxiaonini on
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task achievement
Ensure clarity and precision in your arguments. While your essay presents clear viewpoints, refining the language for more precise expression could enhance your argument's impact. Consider avoiding overly general statements by providing more concrete examples and details to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay logically, making sure each paragraph flows into the next seamlessly. To improve coherence, use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will help in making your argument more cohesive and easily understandable.
task achievement
Expand upon and diversify your supporting examples. While your argument benefits from specific scenarios, using a wider range of examples and evidence will strengthen your essay. Consider incorporating statistics, facts, or studies related to health benefits and social impacts of public sports facilities versus shopping centers.
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