in many countruies, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?
Nowadays, the
crime
rate shows an increasing number in many countries. This
condition is usually caused by two
main factors
which are unemployment
and poverty
. The government should take some actions to provide job opportunities for the citizens, to improve and change their life
standards in order to reduce the crime
rates.
There are two
main reasons that contribute to the rise of crime
. The first one is unemployment
or joblessness. People
do not have income anymore because of joblessness and struggle to fulfil their basic life
needs like food or even buying a cigarette. The second reason is poverty
, which usually can be seen in many big cities. Living in poverty
circumstances can make people
stressed and find a short way to change their lives. These two
factors
are commonly known as the main reason for many robbery cases that happen in many countries.
The government should take some actions to reduce this
increasing number of crimes. Firstly
, in order to make people
have good life
standards, the government should provide various kinds of jobs and also
training programmes to enhance the citizen's skills and abilities. In addition
, when people
succeed in having a job, they will make money and can fulfil their basic life
needs and reach out from poverty
life
. In many countries these two
factors
are usually related, that when people
have a job which means there is no more unemployment
, they can improve their life
standards to the better one, and finally
have an enormous impact on the decreasing number of crime
rates.
In conclusion, unemployment
and poverty
are the two
main factors
that contribute to the increasing rate of crime
and can be tackled by providing various kinds of jobs, to reduce the rates.Submitted by Deddymus on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, it's crucial to fully address all parts of the question. In this case, consider expanding on how exactly poverty and unemployment lead to crime, possibly with more detailed examples or a broader discussion on the social implications. Additionally, incorporating more specific, real-world examples can enhance the credibility and depth of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from more sophisticated linking phrases to better connect ideas across the essay. Also, organizing paragraphs around a single main idea and thoroughly exploring that idea before moving on to the next can enhance clarity and effectiveness. A clearer distinction between paragraphs or sections might also help.
Introduction and Conclusion
Overall, consider revising your introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. The introduction could better preview the main points you will explore, and the conclusion could more decisively summarize your arguments and restate why the strategies you propose are effective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!