IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Why is this happening and what can be done to reduce it?

#crime #rate #teenagers #countries
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In many countries, young people are increasingly inclined to engage in criminal behaviours compared to the past. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss some possible reasons for
this
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 increase and suggest solutions to address the problem. One major factor that contributes to teenagers committing crimes is the lack of attention from their
parents
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.
This
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 often occurs because
parents
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 have hectic schedules and many responsibilities, leaving them with insufficient time to provide proper guidance to their children.
Furthermore
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, social media plays a significant role in pushing them toward criminal
activities
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 by exposing them to inappropriate content. The young generation often consumes violent or
otherwise
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 harmful content online, which can lead to behavioural disorders and, ultimately, engagement in delinquent behaviour. To address these issues,
parents
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 need to be more attentive to their children and actively teach them the difference between right and wrong. By fostering open communication and setting clear boundaries,
parents
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 can help deter teenagers from engaging in criminal
activities
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 and encourage the development of positive behaviour.
Additionally
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, implementing measures
such
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 as limiting the time spent watching violent films and playing online games,
as well as
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 encouraging involvement in sports or hobbies, can be effective in reducing the risk of criminal behaviour. In conclusion, the influence of social media and the lack of parental guidance are significant factors contributing to the rise in criminal
activities
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 among juveniles.
However
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, by increasing parental involvement and promoting positive
activities
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, it is possible to mitigate these issues and help guide adults toward more constructive paths.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and flows well, but it could benefit from more varied and sophisticated transitions to enhance coherence. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task by identifying key causes and suggesting relevant solutions. However, adding more specific examples or evidence to support your points would strengthen your argument. Try to include real-life scenarios or statistical data where possible.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion. This helps the reader to understand the main points of your argument immediately and to see how they are summarised at the end.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task by identifying causes and suggesting solutions. The ideas presented are clear and mostly comprehensive.
task achievement
The points are logically structured and well-organized, making it easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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