More and more people are using mobile phones and the internet to communicate. Therefore, people are losing their ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The proliferation of mobile phones and internet usage for
communication
enables individuals to connect across vast distances, regardless of geographical barriers.
Although
I agree that those have an effect towards the
communication
behaviour of the
people
, I disagree with
people
that communicating face-to-face will be decreased. Regarding
this
, real-live
communication
would still be preferred, especially for older generations. They mostly could not comprehend and adapt to the latest technology,
hence
the lack of comprehension would resulting them not being able to utilise online platforms and social media.
For instance
, most of the phone users in rural areas in Indonesia are teenagers until adults,
while
the elderly have an old phone without internet connection support.
Instead
of talking online, they usually held community gatherings every weekend in their neighbourhood as a form of connectedness and an increasing sense of belonging in the community. Not only that, online
communication
cannot substitute what in-person interaction could offer.
Although
the former is more convenient and definitely less time-consuming, interacting without any medium can psychologically reduce loneliness and increase social skills and capabilities.
This
form of
communication
is
also
preferred and suggested by clinical psychologists since it has a considerably huge impact compared to the digital platform, like Zoom and Google Meet. Feeling physically close with other
people
would bring positive experiences,
hence
person-in-person meetings definitely bring positive effects for the individuals. In conclusion,
although
the mobile phone
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
internet caused a rapid change in how
people
communicate, in-person
communication
would still be preferable by most
people
for two reasons I have stated above.
Submitted by aldawinonaz on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, ensure that you address the prompt fully by exploring both sides of the argument more evenly. Consider adding a paragraph that acknowledges the reasons why some might believe online communication diminishes face-to-face skills, and then refute or support these points with more detailed examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to make better use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more clearly between sentences and paragraphs. While your essay has a logical flow, smoother transitions and more varied connectors could enhance readability and coherence.
Logical Structure
In the logical structure of your essay, work on creating a more balanced argument. For a prompt that asks you to what extent you agree or disagree, it's important to explore both viewpoints before presenting your own stance. This not only enriches your essay but also demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • facilitated
  • convenient communication
  • geographical barriers
  • eroded
  • social skills
  • digital divide
  • increasingly isolated
  • digital communication platforms
  • complement
  • mitigate
  • perceived decline
  • in-person communication
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