Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?
Technology
has become increasingly advanced in recent years. People
tend to contact each other through technology
to form various types of new relationships
. Personally, I believe it has been a both positive and negative practice for several reasons.
The development of technology
creates more opportunities for people
to take part in revolutionized relationships
. For instance
, the invention of the telephone and social media leads to significant impacts on relationships
in both education and business. Telephone conversations make the transmission of information between employees in a firm more efficient which results in an increased number of workers getting rely
on conversations through phones and other platforms in order to reach higher productivity. At the same time, live video communication makes online meetings and courses available for the public, which means that workers and students can attend collective events through the Internet conveniently. Advanced Wrong verb form
relying
technology
contributes convenience to different groups in modern society.
However
, technology
sometimes discourages people
from developing relationships
in real life. Younger generations may rely on the internet too heavily which isolates them to ignore the value of real interactions with others. They are becoming less interested in developing friendships or romances with people
in reality and they prefer to develop these relationships
over social media which are recognized as poor substitutes for factual relationships
. This
significantly makes society show less coherence between each community and the frequency of crimes over the social platforms is increased inevitably.
In conclusion, technology
tends to make people
’s communication comfortable and convenient, but the potential problem arises when the public drowns in those virtual relationships
and isolates themselves from the real world.Submitted by 27475868 on
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, it's essential to further elaborate on specific examples that illustrate how technology has affected relationships. Adding real-life examples or more detailed hypothetical scenarios will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Expand on the range of relationships affected by technology, including not just professional and educational contexts, but also personal and social ones. Discussing a broader spectrum can provide a more comprehensive response.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider more varied and transitional phrases to better link your ideas between paragraphs. This will ensure a smoother flow of information and strengthen the overall structure of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay presents a logical structure, working on the depth and diversity of your supporting points could elevate your score. Incorporate a wider variety of evidence and viewpoints to enrich your analysis.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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