IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.Do you think the advantages of art subject outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is often thought that
art
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 is one of the crucial subjects in
school
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 curriculum
while
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 other people believe that there are a lot of more important courses which should be learned by scholars. In my opinion, I consider that
art
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 classes can bring more benefits for
children
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 compared to any drawbacks they might bring. Despite the disadvantages below, I am convinced that the benefits gained by
children
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 studying
art
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 are extremely useful for their future. First of all, by learning
art
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 , young people discover all the cultural heritage that was created and collected by previous generations, thereby youngsters can learn about history through
art
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 and develop their intelligence with the help of these classes. Another reason to study
art
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 is that it helps pupils improve their creativity , so they learn how to be more flexible in solving some outstanding tasks.
According to
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 some surveys,
children
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 who learn
art
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 at
school
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 demonstrate better results in tests that need to show a non-standard approach.
However
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, there are some issues involved when
children
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 study
art
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 at
school
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.
Firstly
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, the pupils' curriculum should focus on core subjects
such
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 as maths and science because they are more important for mental development than any other
school
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 courses. Wasting time in
art
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 classes can lead to a lack of basic knowledge, which is vital for the growth of
children
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’s intelligence.
Secondly
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, if the young one is not going to work in the
art
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 sphere, learning
this
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 field of knowledge will not help them find a proper job hereafter,
therefore
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, the decision to dedicate more time to basic subjects can be a good investment in
children
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’s future. In conclusion, the benefits that
children
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 can get when they learn
art
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 at
school
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 will stand in good stead for their mental improvement and clearly outweigh any drawbacks.

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task response
Make sure to present your argument clearly in the introduction and maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay. This will enhance the clarity of your position on the topic.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This strengthens your argument and makes your ideas more convincing to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. This will help your essay to flow better from one section to another, improving coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within a paragraph are logically connected to support that idea. This enhances cohesion within paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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