Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people ‘s way of life. Others believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both view and give you own opinion.
I would like to add something. In ILAC’s rule, pathway 3 means C1 in CEFR, which is above B2. And level
B
only has 2 step
, B1 and B2. Pathway 1 is B1
Nowadays, many folks consider that the regime has a duty to help their citizens improve their health. In my opinion, I mainly agree with that.
On the one hand, encouraging Change to a plural noun
steps
people
to pay more attention to health has its benefits. People
are the majority labourers
in a region. They can make a hundred billion dollars annually year. Consuming products in daily life and paying taxes to the Change preposition
of labourers
government
. Therefore
the governments have a duty to repay this
back to individuals. Of course. One way is to remind them to take care of themselves through advertisements, such
as social media, TV shows or warnings beside the road. It helps the government
improve the quality of labour and decrease the number of payments for civil welfare.
On the opposite, as I mentioned before, the government
should take responsibility for paying for human welfare. If there were a large amount of people
getting sick, the government
would pay considerable money for it. Nobody wants to get into that situation. Thus
, reminding individuals to prevent illness will be more effective than paying their bill for treatment, because once someone goes to the hospital, whether serious or not, the government
should spend a part of the money, maybe six in ten. For example
, if someone got a headache and went to see a doctor, personally taking $200 and then
the government
paying $120 for him or her. However
, it only pays $50 to advertise, how it is impossible for people
not to stay up late, and then
, it will avoid this
happening.
In conclusion, a healthy lifestyle is important for everyone. I mainly agree that governments should pay more attention to the prevention of health problems and illness rather than treatment and medicine because it would be brilliant if the government
could make more profits from it.Submitted by dayowong095 on
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task achievement
Your introduction nicely outlines the topic, but you could improve by more directly stating your opinion or the direction of your argument from the onset. This will make it easier for the reader to understand your stance.
coherence cohesion
It's important to clearly distinguish your paragraphs to maintain logical structure better. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to be discussed, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that either summarizes the paragraph or transitions smoothly to the next point.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures into your essay to create a more engaging narrative. While you have provided examples and explanations, more complex sentences could enhance clarity and cohesion.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are directly related to the points you're making. While you've provided some examples, making them more specific and precisely tied to your arguments will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is good but could be stronger by succinctly summarizing your main points before stating your opinion. This reaffirms your argument to the reader and strengthens the cohesiveness of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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