IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #attention
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It is believed by some that
advertisements
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 have a powerful impact on
people
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’s buying decisions,
while
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 others think because of the large number of
commercials
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,
people
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 pay very little attention to them. In my opinion, I consider an advertisement
Fix the infinitive
to plays
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plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 an important role in persuading individuals to buy products as long as it has a powerful message and is interesting enough for
people
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. On the one hand, advertisement is one of the communication tools where sellers can promote their products or services to the market. It is very effective and efficient to reach a wider audience.
Therefore
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, the more
people
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 are exposed to product
advertisements
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, the more they are going to put those products or services at the top of
Correct pronoun usage
their mind
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mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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.
As a result
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, it may influence their buying decisions.
On the other hand
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, in the era of media disruption where
people
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 may be exposed to
commercials
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 anywhere they go, the public now may pay less attention to
advertisements
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.A great number of
advertisements
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 produced and shown in media now most likely become “visual trash” so
people
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 tend to ignore it. To illustrate, the biggest video streaming platform, YouTube, now allows
people
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 to subscribe to their platform to get ad-free videos.
Finally
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, in my opinion,
advertisements
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 are essential to build an audience’s awareness before making a purchase.
For example
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,
although
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 there are various mouthwash brands, Listerine remained the market leader because it consistently communicated its proposition to consumers through advertising.
Additionally
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, brands must create strong and relevant
commercials
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 in order to grab
people
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’s interest. If they fail, most likely their ads will be ignored and unsuccessful in influencing the audience to purchase a product. In conclusion,
advertisements
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 have a significant impact on
people
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's decision to buy a product.
Although
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commercials
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 may become visual trash that audiences try to avoid, it is not impossible for brands to grab
people
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’s attention through an interesting advertisement.
Submitted by averinasandra on

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coherence
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be done using linking words or phrases.
task achievement
Add more varied vocabulary to express ideas, which can make the essay more engaging and avoid repetition.
task achievement
Dive deeper into specific examples - this will further support your argument and make it more compelling.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument before providing your opinion.
coherence
Your essay stays relevant to the topic and addresses the question effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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