IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

it is difficult for people in cities to get enough physical exercise. what are the causes and solutions

#people #cities #exercise
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In
this
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 day and age, there are more and more
people
Use synonyms
 spending less
time
Use synonyms
 with their family.
This
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 essay will examine the causes and possible influences of
this
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 problem.
First,
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there are some explanations that are
worh
Correct your spelling
worth
 mentioning about
this
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 problem. The first reason is that
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of the fast pace of modern life,
people
Use synonyms
 are now living a busier one and spend a lot of
time
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for
Change preposition
on
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work
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. It is increasingly common that
people
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 tend to lose the balance between family and clerical
work
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.
For example
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, because of the heavy
workload
Add a comma
workload,
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 many workers have to
work
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 more than 10 hours a day, and sometimes they are required to
work
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 during
weekend
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the weekend
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 or overnight to meet the deadline. The development of social media is the second reason for
this
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 issue. That parents and
children
Use synonyms
 stay together but hold their own mobile phones or laptops to communicate with online friends on social
netwwork
Correct your spelling
networks
network
instead
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 of talking with each other is
easily
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easy
show examples
 on these days.
This
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 issue is having considerable impacts on both individuals themselves and family.
First,
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it is believed that family is where
people
Use synonyms
 can share their feelings and problems, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to release their stress.
However
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,
people
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 may experience emotional distress if they do not receive proper support from his/ her immediate family.
Second,
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the links between parents and
children
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 may be weakened.
For instance
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, when parents do not spend much
time
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 with their
children
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, their
children
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 will lack
of
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apply
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appropriate parental care and attention and are likely to follow a path towards criminal
behaviors
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behaviours
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. In a nutshell, there are two main factors leading to the fact that
people
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 hardly make
time
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 for their family and not only individuals but
also
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 the family may suffer from
this
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 trend in both physical and emotional ways.
Submitted by nguyenhoanghadl on

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Task Achievement
Your essay does not directly address the provided topic about physical exercise in cities, which negatively affects your score in task response. Ensure you thoroughly understand and directly respond to the prompt provided.
Coherence and Cohesion
Create a more structured essay by clearly dividing it into paragraphs, each addressing a distinct point. Use linking phrases to better connect your ideas and improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, focus on creating a logical outline before you start writing. This should include a clear introduction, a body with distinct paragraphs for each point, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. The examples should clearly illustrate the issue discussed and offer concrete evidence or scenarios that relate directly to the topic.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • desk-bound jobs
  • fast-paced urban life
  • conveniences
  • physical exertion
  • barrier
  • densely populated
  • pollution
  • safety concerns
  • urban planning
  • pedestrian areas
  • cycle lanes
  • accessible
  • workplace wellness programs
  • subsidize
  • financial barriers
  • public awareness
  • incorporate
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