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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #children #home #school #outweigh
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Home education has become a popular alternative to traditional schooling in some countries.
While
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this
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 admittedly has certain benefits, I would argue that the drawbacks are more significant. On the one hand, educating children at home can be beneficial to a certain extent. One prominent advantage is that
this
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 educational method allows parents to tailor their
child’s
Use synonyms
 learning curriculums.
This
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, in turn, would maximize their learning experience.
For example
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, a flexible amount of studying time can be allocated to match the
child’s
Use synonyms
 knowledge acquisition rate. Parents and their children can opt to spend more time on courses that are advanced and progress more quickly through subjects they understand.
In addition
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 to personalized instruction,
such
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 a safer learning environment is
also
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 a key benefit of homeschooling that parents consider. Studying at home can keep their children away from school problems
such
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 as unnecessary competition among peers or bullying which may adversely affect their self-esteem throughout their lives.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that the aforementioned benefits pale in significance when compared to the glaring drawbacks of
this
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 educational approach. One major issue is that not every parent is well-versed in diverse subjects
as well as
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 pedagogical techniques.
Consequently
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,
this
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 shortfall may result in educational gaps in their
child’s
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 learning and hinder their ability
from engaging
Change preposition
to engage
show examples
 comprehensively with complex concepts. Worse still, homeschooling diminishes opportunities for socialization and peer interaction. Homeschooled students may miss out on social events that traditional schools provide,
such
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 as field trips, prom, or sports teams.
Such
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 restrictions can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can take a toll on a
child’s
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 mental health and
overall
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 well-being. In conclusion, despite certain benefits that homeschooling can confer, I would contend that the disadvantages are far more pronounced.
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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with a clearer and more logical flow. This will help in connecting ideas more smoothly and improving the coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and directly address the essay prompt. A more distinct stance in the conclusion can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed and specific examples. Generic statements reduce the effectiveness of your argument. Using real-world examples or statistics can significantly bolster your points.
task achievement
Ensure that your response completely addresses all parts of the task. Your argument should comprehensively discuss both advantages and disadvantages while clearly stating if one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Aim for clarity in presenting your ideas. Each paragraph should introduce and explore a single main idea related to the question, helping the reader follow your argument with ease.
task achievement
Incorporating relevant, specific examples will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Avoid vague references and aim for concrete examples that enhance your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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