Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give opinion.

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Many undergraduate prefer offering extra courses alongside their major course, as

this

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helps to broaden their intelligence.

While

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some believe focusing on their major certification areas is paramount. In

this

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essay, both sides will be explored followed by my opinion. On the one hand, many students think extra lessons are necessary to help broaden their intelligence and improve their skills in diverse areas. So, undergraduates are not limited to their qualifications only but they

also

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, know a thing or two about different

subjects

Use synonyms

Furthermore

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this

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additional information can be useful outside of school, to enable them to get a job or become entrepreneurs. Because, especially in developing countries where jobs are hard to get, these skills and knowledge are very important to earn a living.

For example

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according to

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statistics, in Ghana, only 23% of graduates work in organizations related to their qualifications. The rest are entrepreneurs and few work in jobs different from what they studied.

On the other hand

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, many scholars believe extra

subjects

Use synonyms

are not needed as they can be distracting and time-consuming. These

subjects

Use synonyms

are capable of diverting scholar's attention from their major subject.

As a result

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this

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can lead to poor educational qualifications.

In addition

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, learning more

subjects

Use synonyms

requires time which is often not enough for the student to focus on their major course.

For instance

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, students who study medicine usually complain of having a lot of studying to do with less time. Adding, more classwork will eventually lead to poor grades. In conclusion,

although

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to some students, extra lessons are needed to improve their knowledge. Others think it is unnecessary. In my opinion, it is cumbersome for a student to add more courses to an existing primary subject.

This

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

can result in, a loss of focus and poor grade qualification.

EmmanuelodachiThu Mar 14 2024

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Task Achievement

Be sure to fully develop your ideas with clear explanations and more detailed examples. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas within the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

While you've made a good effort to introduce and conclude your essay, ensure that your introduction more precisely outlines the specific viewpoints you will discuss. A clearer thesis statement could enhance the reader's understanding of your essay's direction.

Coherence & Cohesion

Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will strengthen the cohesion of your essay.

Task Achievement

It's good to include examples to support your points, but try to ensure they are directly relevant and detailed. Adding more specific details or statistics could strengthen your arguments further.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give opinion.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

The working week should be shorted and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree? Use specific details and examples to explain your view.

Plan A below shows a health centre in 2005. Plan B shows the same place in the present day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.