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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people have health problems because they chose to live an unhealthy lifestyle. What are the reasons and solutions?

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Some
people
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 saying that
people
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 have health problems.
That is
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 because, more and more eat
junk
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 food and live an unhealthy lifestyle. Now I am going to discuss
this
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 essay by giving my own opinion to solutions. On the one hand, nowadays, many
people
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 come across with different kind of health problems.
For instance
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: obesity is a common disease in the world.
That is
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 because, absolutely unhealthy lifestyle and eat
junk
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foods
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. Many
people
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 addicted to eat fast
foods
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. Fast
foods
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: delicious and comfortable for everyone.
Nevertheless
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, it has more disadvantages than advantages.
Junk
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foods
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 prepare from the undercooked meat, it is a biggest disadvantages of
junk
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foods
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.
On the other hand
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, we are the main reason for
this
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 situation. These days, more and more humans are becoming so lazy. We have to solve that.
That is
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 why, government should do some marathons or other sport types.
Also
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 government need to banned eat
junk
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foods
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. Maybe it will work. By way of conclusion, I am of the opinion that unhealthy lifestyle triggering early death
as well as
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 obesity is clearly a problem of
such
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 complexity that no solution is likely in the short term.
Nonetheless
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, I firmly believe that doing sports and eat healthy
foods
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 would constitute a very good first step.

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task achievement
To enhance your score in task response, ensure your essay addresses all parts of the prompt comprehensively. This includes both discussing the reasons behind unhealthy lifestyles and suggesting detailed, plausible solutions. Incorporate specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the structure and flow of your essay for better coherence and cohesion. Start with a clear introduction that outlines your main points. Then, use paragraphs effectively: one for reasons and another for solutions. Link ideas and paragraphs using transition words ('Furthermore', 'However', 'In addition'). This will make your essay more logical and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points more effectively, provide concrete examples and evidence. Instead of general statements about obesity and junk food, include statistics, studies, or specific incidents that highlight the severity of the problem and the effectiveness of proposed solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • technological advancements
  • fast food
  • processed food
  • dietary choices
  • stressful work environments
  • neglect
  • health education
  • consequences
  • advertising
  • health programs
  • active living
  • policies
  • availability
  • nutrition studies
  • conducive environments
  • pedestrian areas
  • media campaigns
  • healthy lifestyle
  • risks
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