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Band 5.5

in many countries around the world rural people are moving to cities so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or a negative development? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. write at least 250 words

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Urbanization is happening in a
lot
 of countries. The movement of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 from rural areas to the cities is a good sign of
people
’s awareness of educational and
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 needs. It means that young
people
 are striving to get higher titles and more income for their goals.
Furthermore
, it will give a
lot
 of opportunities for the rural
people
 to grow professionally and meet a
lot
 of diverse cultures. They could be more open-minded and will have connections with
people
 from
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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different
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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, increasing their exposure. Many
people
 from the suburban areas are hoping for a better future for their original place. They came from a low-middle income family and dreamed of developing the non-exposed potential of their local area into something more beneficial for their
people
. At least, they can be a proud son
for
Change preposition
of
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 their parents. We can take a great soccer player,
for example
, Sadio Mane. He came from Senegal and became a world-class player for Liverpool FC. With the money he got, he built crucial facilities in his county, which are
school
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schools
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,
hospital
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hospitals
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, homes, and many more. He can give food
for
Change preposition
to
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 a
lot
 of poor children and families there,
everyday
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every day
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. He is a hero of his country.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, there are some drawbacks if urbanization happens out of control. Cities like Jakarta became overpopulated, creating an expanding social gap between the rich and the poor in the city because more
people
 are living there but the job opportunity rate is still low and more
people
 are becoming jobless. In the meantime, there are less productive
people
 in the countryside, including elders and children. No human resources to handle the matter at hand effectively. In summary, I can say that urbanization is a great opportunity for
positive
Add an article
the positive
a positive
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 development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural districts. But if the process is not controlled, it could be a bad condition for both the metropolitan city and suburban area.
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Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement score, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt. While you've given some direct answers, elaborating on both positive and negative developments evenly can offer a more balanced view that can result in a higher score. Specific examples should be clearly linked to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more smoothly and logically. Also, work on structuring your paragraphs more effectively by ensuring that each one starts with a clear topic sentence and is followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence where appropriate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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