Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction

People are divided on their opinion about the budgeting of the educational sector. Some hold the view that a high proportion of the budget should be spared to purchase laptops and tablets;

however

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, others think that well-known teachers should be hired even if they demand higher salaries. In my opinion, I am convinced that both of these things are crucial for better educational aspects so equal funding should be given because of the reasons that I will outline in

this

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essay.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, every industry in the world is moving towards automation, which involves modern digital technology.

Due to

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this

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fact, more and more highly trained skilled workers are required to operate these technological devices effectively. If students learn more about the latest and most advanced computers, the chances of grabbing

well-payed

Correct your spelling

well-paying

show examples

jobs will increase significantly.

In addition

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, by including fast and latest electronic devices in schools, teachers would be enabled to teach students not only face-to-face but

also

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through internet usage. In

this

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way, academia can give lectures to a huge number of class members in a short span of time.

Although

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buying modern devices is the right step to upgrading the education system, a combination of other strategies is required to show optimal performance.

Body paragraph 2

Highly qualified and well-trained faculty is tremendously necessary to train students in the best possible way because only those mentors who remain up-to-date with the latest research and modern technological aspects can guide and teach pupils about advanced pieces of machinery.

For instance

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, the results of academic departments at Oxford

university

Capitalize word

University

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are always the best among other universities as they always hire the best faculty from all over the world. It is,

therefore

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, necessary to allocate a handsome amount of funds to induct professors, who got degrees from foreign top universities, whatever they demand as compensation or remuneration to achieve the best grades.

Conclusion

In conclusion,

while

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some think that it is better to allocate funds to buy new technologies for classrooms, others believe that it is best to employ expensive teaching staff to gain high grades. In my perspective, I opine that both categories are equal,

therefore

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, both deserve equal percentages of financial resources.

dongocuyennhi1102001

Mar 15, 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your response directly addresses the prompt. It would benefit from incorporating more specific examples to support your points. To enrich your essay, consider using case studies, statistical data, or concrete examples that closely relate to your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, your essay shows a good logical structure. To further enhance this, consider varying your connective words and phrases more to show clear relationships between ideas. Additionally, be mindful of paragraph structuring, ensuring each contains a clear main idea and cohesive supporting sentences.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

362 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

money
spend
cost
more
less
tool
tools
device
devices
class
school
teacher
student
learning
learn
plan
policy
value
use
useful
good
better
effect
impact
time
train
training
support
help
future
jobs
balance
choose
example
evidence

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Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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