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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that it will be one of the best ways to solve the environment problems to increase the cost of fuel for car and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #environment #cost #fuel #car #vehicles
It is claimed that augmenting the price of
fuel
 for
vehicles
 is one of the most superior ways to tackle environmental issues. The author of
this
 essay holds a belief that increasing the
fuel’s
Change noun form
fuel
show examples
cost
 will deteriorate individuals’ lives,
instead
, the government can address the environmental issues by encouraging and reducing the price of electric
vehicles
. It is acknowledged that minimizing the global dependence on
fuel
 is detrimental.
This
 is because nowadays, it is the need of individuals to travel to work or for holidays, raising the
cost
 of
fuel
 will lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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chaos in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society as not everyone can afford the
fuel
 and the efficiency of factories will be affected negatively.
As a consequence
, there will be displeasure among the citizens and
also
 the economy of the country will be affected negatively.
For example
, Vietnam is one of the countries that use most
vehicles
, motorbikes to be specific, and increasing the
fuel’s
Change noun form
fuel
show examples
cost
 leads to protests. The writer’s opinion advocates that the government can solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental problems by lowering the price of electric
vehicles
 and encouraging citizens to use them.
This
 will definitely reduce the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
fuel
 for cars and other
vehicles
 and
also
 the carbon emissions.
As a result
, the air quality will be enhanced and become fresher, not as detrimental as it used to be.
Also
, the ozone layer will not be affected
much
Rephrase
as much
show examples
 as it used to be in the past. All in all, the writer believes that raising the
cost
 of
fuel
 is not a thoughtful idea as it leads to displeasure and protests among the individuals.
Instead
, electric cars and
vehicles
 should be encouraged to be utilized to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
carbon emissions.

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task achievement
Ensure to elaborate more on your examples. The example concerning Vietnam, while illustrative, can be further developed to show precise connections to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Refine transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow and to enhance cohesion. Using linking words or phrases will make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Work on maintaining consistency in tense and subject-verb agreement to minimize minor inaccuracies. Proofreading your essay a couple of times can help catch these minor issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your main points.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced argument, acknowledging counterpoints before offering your own perspective, which shows critical thinking.
task achievement
The idea of substituting fuel-dependent vehicles with electric ones is well-presented and aligns closely with the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported, which makes your argument strong and persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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