IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that sending criminals to prison is not effective. Education and job training should be used instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #criminals #prison #education #job
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Many people believe that the reduction of the
crime
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 rate will be achieved more effectively through better education rather than prison sentences. I disagree with
this
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 view
,
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apply
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 because I consider that both approaches have their own distinctive merits and should each play an integral role in tackling
crime
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. On the one hand, I would argue that prison is effective in dealing with offenders. One reason is that a person who commits a
crime
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 must learn that unlawful actions have consequences. Murderers,
for instance
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, must be imprisoned for many years and
such
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 a punishment may act as a deterrent. They know that they will face loss of freedom, social isolation and separation from their loved ones if they carry out
such
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 a criminal act. Another reason is that when serious offenders are behind bars, they are no longer a danger to society and people can walk in the streets or relax in their homes more safely.
On the other hand
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, I consider that education has a complementary role to play.
Firstly
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, in schools, students should study some aspects of the law which affect their lives. Having some knowledge of the law, students are better prepared to avoid situations which may involve them in
crime
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 or becoming a victim.
For example
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, youngsters must study the important laws about driving and road safety.
Secondly
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, in prisons themselves, educational programmes must aim to provide prisoners with skills and qualifications to find work when they are released. I believe that prison sentences are one essential weapon in the fight against
crime
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, and I disagree that providing better education alone is a more effective solution to reduce the
crime
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 rate.
Submitted by dongocuyennhi1102001 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to introduce more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance your writing's sophistication. For instance, incorporating conditional sentences or passive voice might add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay is generally well structured, more sophisticated connectors could enhance the coherence further.
task achievement
While your essay addresses the topic comprehensively, adding more personal insights or examples could make your argument more compelling. Consider drawing on personal experiences or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points more vividly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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