IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

There have been several complaints about the reception area where visitors to your company arrive. Your manager has asked you to suggest how the reception area could be improved. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter •Describe the complaints that have been made. •Say why the reception area is important. •Suggest how the area could be improved.

#complaints #reception #area #visitors #company #manager #•describe #•say #•suggest
Dear Muhammad Shoaib, I am writing to let you know about an increasing number of complaints at the front desk.
While
 I was
throughly
Correct your spelling
thoroughly
 going through the complaints, I noticed that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the issues are regarding the waiting time. Since you know that our
bank
Change noun form
bank's
show examples
 new franchise has
overwhelming
Add an article
an overwhelming
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 response, there always seems a rush of visitors which challenges our customer services. Let me explain the situation in more detail, the reception is highly inevitable because it welcomes the general public not only to open new accounts but
also
 to retain our existing clients to facilitate them as much as possible.
For instance
, assisting them in utilizing cash deposit, cheque clearance, account maintenance, and
value added
Add a hyphen
value-added
show examples
 services.
Hence
, would you kindly hire one more
receptionalist
Correct your spelling
receptionist
? I believe, after increasing the workforce, our customers will
be entertain
Change the verb form
be entertained
be entertaining
show examples
 at the earliest which
otherwise
 is not possible.
For example
, I have seen a few other branches of our bank, facilitate customers having more than one employee at the front desk. Thank you for your consideration. Yours sincerely, Haris Khan
Submitted by Haris Khan on

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Task Achievement
Maintain clarity and conciseness in your descriptions and recommendations. While your letter does a good job at outlining the issues and proposing solutions, further clarification on certain points and a more concise approach could enhance the overall effectiveness of your message.
Coherence Cohesion
Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensure each subsequent sentence supports or elaborates on that topic. This will strengthen the logical flow and make your arguments more persuasive.
Task Achievement
To enhance your response, consider adding more specific examples or detailed explanations of how your suggestions will address the problems mentioned. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding and analysis of the situation.
Coherence Cohesion
Use varied linking words and cohesive devices to improve the connection between your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your writing more fluid and easier to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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