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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

#cities #parks #farmland #developments #development
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It is true that many
cities
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 are transforming
parks
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 and
farmland
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 into new housing developments.
While
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 some view it as beneficial, others argue that it brings about negative consequences.
This
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 essay will discuss both negative and positive consequences. There are several reasons why
parks
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 and
farmland
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 transfer into housing development.
Firstly
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, as
cities
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 grow and the population increases, the demand for residential areas increases. By using free land for housing,
cities
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 can accommodate more residents and provide affordable housing options.
For example
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, the redevelopment of abandoned industrial sites into residential complexes in
cities
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 like London and New York has improved neighbourhoods and living standards.
As a result
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, the government will gain profit from selling them to people, who need houses, and
this
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 will lead to an economic boost.
On the other hand
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, changing natural places into housing developments has negative effects on the environment and community well-being.
Parks
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 and
farmland
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 provide many benefits
such
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 as fresh air and peaceful space. Destroying these areas can lead to habitat loss, increase pollution, and reduce air quality.
Furthermore
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, the loss of green spaces has negative consequences on the mental health of the community, as there will not be places for outdoor activities.
Consequently
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, not only people but
also
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 animals will suffer
due to
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 a lack of natural places, where they can get a rest or do physical exercises. In conclusion, the conversion of
parks
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 and
farmland
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 into housing developments presents both positive and negative impacts.
While
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 it addresses housing shortages and urbanization challenges, it
also
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 poses risks to the environment and community health.
Submitted by lodele.0203 on

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task achievement
Ensure to directly address the question - is the development positive or negative? Make your stance clear in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Provide more focused paragraphs that tackle one main idea per paragraph to increase clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to demonstrate clear relationships between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
To improve task response, state your opinion more clearly throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. This will strengthen your argument and make your position clearer to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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