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Band 1.5

The plans below show the South Wing of Walton Museum in 2008 and in 2012 after it was redeveloped.

#plans #show #walton #museum #redeveloped
The maps give information about the South Wing of Walton Museum was rebuilt between 2008 and 2012.
Overall
, most rooms were changed
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
another rooms
Replace the adjective
another room
other rooms
show examples
. The lift was added to replace the stairs. Starting with
entrance
Correct article usage
the entrance
show examples
 hall, the South Wing was still there from 2008 to 2012. Only the
cloaks
Correct your spelling
cloakroom
show examples
room
 disappeared, and that
room
 was made to play children. On the first floor, the reception
room
 was added to
cloaks
Correct article usage
the cloaks
show examples
room
 and the reading
room
 remained unchanged in 2012. On the second floor, a terrace was constructed above
entrance
Add an article
the entrance
show examples
 hall.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the right side of
terrace
Add an article
the terrace
show examples
,
restaurant
Correct article usage
a restaurant
show examples
 was built.
This
 building was above
reception
Correct article usage
the reception
show examples
 and
cloaks
Correct your spelling
cloakroom
show examples
room
. In 2012,
instead
 of using stairs to go up, people could use
lift
Fix the agreement mistake
lifts
show examples
. The right building of Walton Museum appeared self-service
room
 and increased one floor which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 named
exhibition
Correct article usage
the exhibition
show examples
room
 in 2012.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure to introduce your essay clearly by stating the main intent of the comparison between the two maps of 2008 and 2012. A quick overview or summary in the introduction would be helpful.
Logical Structure
Work on developing a more logical flow by organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs and using transition words effectively. This will enhance the readability and coherence of your essay.
Supported Main Points
Try to provide a more detailed analysis by comparing and contrasting the changes more explicitly. Use a range of vocabulary to describe transformations (e.g., 'was replaced with', 'transformed into', 'upgraded to').
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Improve clarity by breaking down complex ideas into simpler, clearer sentences. Avoid long, run-on sentences and ensure each sentence contributes to your overall argument or description.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Include more specific examples and details about the changes, such as the significance of new additions or the impact of those changes on the museum's functionality or appearance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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