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Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#minutes #countries #money #poverty #aid
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
, the rich
nations
 provide financial funding to poorer
nations
, it doesn't resolve their
poverty
 issues.
This
 essay strongly agrees with that statement because governments of poor countries misuse
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial aid for their own agenda, and undeveloped
nations
 lack
required
Add an article
the required
show examples
 knowledge to take appropriate measures which can lead to their economic development. The ruling governments of poor countries often misuse the funds, which were provided to eradicate
poverty
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their own agendas. Many governments of poor
nations
 are corrupt and they distribute these funds amongst themselves.
For example
, in Pakistan , the parties ruling the nation, use the financial aid provided by the United States of America to become rich rather than working on reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty
. Many poor
nations
 have a lack of
sufficienteeded
Correct your spelling
sufficient
 knowledge for taking significant steps towards economic development
due to
 lack of resources. The population in
the
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apply
show examples
poor countries are not educated and can't take steps
of building
Change preposition
to build
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 proper infrastructure and research
capabilties
Correct your spelling
capabilities
.
For example
, Africa has ample gold but people are not educated to take advantage of
this
 and it is still a poor nation.
Thus
,
instead
 of financial aid the developed
nations
 can build schools so that people can become educated. In conclusion, the problem of
poverty
 can not be resolved with financial help by the developed
nations
 but by investing their time and effort in providing other help which are building blocks for the economic growth of a poor nation.
Submitted by ruchix2006 on

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Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, ensure that you provide more detailed and varied examples from multiple sources or countries. Specifically detailing how and why the misuse of funds or lack of proper administration exacerbates poverty could enrich your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and incorporating more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, you could improve by refining your thesis statement to clearly outline the upcoming arguments. Additionally, ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your key points and restates your overall stance without introducing new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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