IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You are staying in an alien country. You have recently received a letter from your wife in which she has complained of your son's activities. Write a letter to your son to counsel him. In your letter, write: what you came to know about his behavior why you are upset about such activities what kind of behavior you are expecting from him

#country #wife #son #activities #counsel #behavior
Dear Son, I hope
this
 letter finds you in a radiant of health and great spirits. I am writing
this
 letter because I got your complaint from your
mother
 , as a parent
this
 is a matter of concern for us. Your
mother
 told me that your screen time has increased
hence
,
this
 will
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 detrimental effects on your studies. I feel vulnerable about your health because the lack of physical activities has negative impacts on your intellectual memory.
Moreover
, your
mother
 is not able to tolerate your aggressive behaviour. I want you to be a serene and generous human being and take care of your
mother
 in my absence.
Also
 , pay attention to your classes and involve yourself in different physical activities like cricket and running which will help you to shape your character and expand your horizons . I hope you will consider my advice and I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours truly, Rajesh
Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Response score, ensure your letter addresses all aspects of the prompt more comprehensively. Expand on each point by providing specific examples or deeper insights into the effects of your son's behavior and why certain behaviors are expected from him.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your letter has a logical structure, there can be improvements in linking ideas more smoothly. Consider using a wider range of linking devices (e.g., furthermore, in addition to, therefore) to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
For Greeting and Closing, maintain a consistent level of formality throughout your letter. The closing 'Yours truly' is slightly less formal than the rest of the letter. Consider matching it with the tone set in the greeting and the main body of the letter.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of single idea per paragraph, aim to clearly separate your ideas into paragraphs. Though you have done this fairly well, there are opportunities to refine this by potentially combining related ideas or ensuring each paragraph distinctly addresses a separate concept.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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