IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #buildings #houses #cities
At present, architecture is a significant factor in representing cultures.
Therefore
,
buildings
 in cities vary between modern and ancient
ones
.
However
, some
people
 believe that old
buildings
 should be replaced with new
ones
,
while
 others believe that governments should protect them. In my opinion, the combination of the
two
 is the best way forward. On the one hand, ancient
buildings
 are a representation method for old cultures and lives, and
that is
 why many
people
 believe that governments should protect them.
Therefore
, usually, historical museums are old
buildings
due to
 the meaning and information that depict them.
However
, the police have a special section that protects the ancient
buildings
, and they call them heritage. Take heritage houses as an example, many
people
 live in heritage houses, so having a license is a must for everyone who lives in the house, and adding or fixing a problem in a house should be done under the government.
On the other hand
, sustainability is an essential factor in
buildings
; for that reason, many
people
 believe that modern
buildings
 should be replaced by old
ones
due to
 new technologies and materials that are used in modern
ones
 which provide sustainability and less damage to the environment.
Two
 years ago,
two
 researchers conducted a study on the environmental pollution caused by
buildings
, it showed that modern
buildings
 used new strategies to decrease the percentage of pollution. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the combination of the
two
 beliefs is the best way forward
due to
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 that come from ancient
buildings
 which are cultural representations, and the less pollution from modern 
ones
.
Submitted by talahakoura27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing modern buildings.
task achievement
Focus on elaborating the reasons behind your opinion in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Try linking your ideas more clearly with transition words to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overusing complex sentences; include a balance of simple and complex structures for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion effectively frame your arguments.
task achievement
You've done a good job of presenting and discussing both sides of the issue, adhering to the requirements of the task.
task achievement
The essay provides a thoughtful opinion that blends the two perspectives, which is a sophisticated approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • paramount
  • evolutionary journey
  • tangible link
  • fostering
  • sense of belonging
  • architectural beauty
  • economic benefit
  • tourist attractions
  • preservation techniques
  • structural integrity
  • energy-efficient
  • sustainable architecture
  • cultural preservation
  • urban demands
  • contemporary lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: