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In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight. Some people think that the government should be responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #health #people #government
In the ultra-modern epoch, Most children are becoming obese. It is an argued issue, whether the regime ought to onus to measure
this
 problem or not. Even though some masses told lawmaker should take appropriate action towards
this
 scenario, I believe that offspring should take care of their health. Commencing with the most prominent reason why should children take care of their bodies.
Firstly
, the heir should change their activities since nowadays a plethora of scion have a habit of playing indoor games
such
 as
video-games
Correct your spelling
video games
show examples
, ludo, playing cards and so on. To illustrate, if a scion plays indoor games on the basis of every day and does not do outdoor activities, their body can not release sweat. Ergo, they become obsessive.
Secondly
, offspring should leave the street cuisine and junk food. owing to
this
 unhygienic meal, children are suffering from a myriad of diseases because a large amount of oil is used to cook
this
 food.
Therefore
, teenagers are facing the problem of being overweight.
On the other hand
, the government should take stringent action toward the overweight of the young generation. The regime should organise some type of fitness-related seminars for the young generation.
Due to
 these seminars, the youngster could be cognizant of their body fitness. To exemplify, provided that young people see a bodybuilder, they want to become a bodybuilder and try to join the gym.
As a result
, they make their figure fit. In conclusion,
although
 offspring make their bodies fit by joining a gym or doing exercise, they should not only avoid junk food but
also
 avoid indoor games to become healthy.
Submitted by harmanjotdhindsa on

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task achievement
Focus on clearly stating your opinion in the introduction to set the foundation for your argument.
task achievement
Further develop your arguments with more specific examples and details to enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each one addressing a single main idea. Use linking words to smoothly transition between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should more clearly reflect the essay's argument and summarize the main points effectively.
general advice
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
general advice
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Errors can distract from the message and reduce the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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