People spend too much money on family celebrations such as birthdays and weddings. What is the importance of these celebrations? Do you think people really spend too much?
In the present day,
people
spend a lot of money
on celebrations
and value it
as an important Correct pronoun usage
them
part
of life and tend to spend a lot of money
on these kinds of events. This
essay will discuss the importance of these events in terms of how cultures and religions play a significant role in our society and agrees
that Correct subject-verb agreement
agree
people
should not spend too much money
on celebrations
.
Firstly
, celebrations
such
as weddings and festivals cherish cultures and religions and contribute to our cultural understanding and diversity. This
kind of celebration connects family members and unites different social groups which leads to a greater cultural collaboration. For example
, when individuals from different nations meet and learn about each other and their religions they contribute to the
cultural awareness.
If Correct article usage
apply
people
spending
too much Wrong verb form
spend
money
on these celebrations
is
Correct your spelling
it
depending
on various reasons, Wrong verb form
depends
such
as religion, background and economic class. I believe that people
do not spend too much money
on these kinds of ceremonies,
and that it is an important Remove the comma
apply
part
of our cultural legacy. For instance
, in India weddings are highly valued as an important part
of their religion and people
spend a lot of money
.
In conclusion, celebrations
are an important and crucial part
of an individual's life as they support cultural understanding and I believe that much money
should be spent on celebrations
. Culture is a significant part
of our life and the key to social diversity and growth and we need to keep our cultural legacy.Submitted by clara.m.schafer on
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task response
Clarify the thesis statement in the introduction to clearly present your stance and what the essay will discuss. Instead of stating both sides, focus on expressing clearly whether you think people spend too much or not, and then support that position throughout.
task response
Increase the specificity of your examples by providing more detailed scenarios, data, or case studies that directly support your arguments. For example, if you mention Indian weddings, you could include how much is typically spent and how this reflects cultural values.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs more effectively by ensuring that each one has a clear main idea which is then elaborated upon with examples and explanations. Start with a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph's main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas more clearly. This can help improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments more coherent.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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