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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays it is seen that people celebrate other cultures within their local cultures, do you think it is good for our society?

#people #cultures #society
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Basically, each
country
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 has its own culture and
traditions
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 which are old age descendants. these days it is being observed that
people
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 are respecting and celebrating other countries'
cultures
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 among their own. There are some minor benefits and some drawbacks derived from
this
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 action which is going to be discussed in
this
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 essay. Indeed, having enriched civilization is the thing that
people
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 of every
country
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 are proud of and make an example of it whenever talking to strangers. There are occasions when
people
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 take other
cultures
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 for granted and mix them with their own.
For instance
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, in Iran Muslim
people
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 celebrate Christmas nowadays and enjoy it which is somehow fun for youngsters in general.
Moreover
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,
people
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 get familiar with the irrelevant
traditions
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 of the world. By way of illustration,
people
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 get to know what is being celebrated in other
cultures
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as well as
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 its history.
Overall
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, they enjoy and add to their information about different countries. On the
one
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 hand, it is honourable to respect other
cultures
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 and obtain information about them,
on the other hand
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,
people
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 should not be confused about what is related to their own culture and how their ancestors lived
one
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 day As the history of each
country
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 explains more about characteristics of that
country
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.
In addition
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, tradition depends on the locality and
one
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 can not claim all
traditions
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 and conduct them in a way as they should be.
For instance
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, some African dances or wordless speeches are not practisible for anyone
Therefore
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, they should not be spoiled and have to remain intact. In conclusion, even though, honouring and gaining knowledge of various
cultures
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 is a positive attitude, exaggerating in localizing it will exacerbate the quality of that culture and will annihilate it.
As a result
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 , I think having respect for other
traditions
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one
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 should not mix or replace them with their own.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement score, ensure that you address the prompt fully. While you have discussed both the advantages and disadvantages of celebrating other cultures, incorporating a clearer thesis statement in your introduction and a reflective conclusion summarizing your stance can improve clarity and expression.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs each with a distinct main idea. Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively, and strive for a more logical flow of ideas to enhance overall readability.
Introduction & Conclusion
Expand your introduction by providing a more in-depth background and setting the context more clearly. In the conclusion, reiterate your main argument succinctly, ensuring it reflects the discussion in the body paragraphs.
Supported Main Points
Throughout your essay, support your main points with more precise examples and evidence. This not only makes your argument more compelling but also demonstrates a broader understanding of the topic. Incorporating more detailed examples can significantly enrich your analysis.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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