In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
With an ever-increasing concern about how to handle electronic personal
data
Use synonyms
storage
issues, some individuals may have opined that cloud Use synonyms
storage
has an inevitable advantage. Use synonyms
This
essay will, Linking Words
however
, provide some reasons why I strongly believe electronic Linking Words
data
processing exerts a negative effect on Use synonyms
corporations
.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, some individuals may argue that electronic Linking Words
data
conversion offers more advantages. Since electronic Use synonyms
data
Use synonyms
storage
allows Use synonyms
corporations
to use fewer resources Use synonyms
such
as paper, toner, printers and human labour needed to organize the printed documents, they can maximize their profits by storing Linking Words
data
on computers. Use synonyms
Moreover
, reducing the consumption of natural resources leads to environmentally sustainable Linking Words
corporations
which bring eco-friendly images that help to have favourable brand portraits to the public. Use synonyms
Therefore
, those Linking Words
corporations
can benefit from the activated implementation of electronic information Use synonyms
storage
.
Despite the reasons mentioned above, I completely contend that Use synonyms
this
trend will ultimately deteriorate the entire society in the long term. Providing a few agreements on previous opinions, and moving to other oppositions can illuminate a different perspective. Relying on personal Linking Words
data
on computers puts citizens exposed to online crimes Use synonyms
due to
the greater number of attempts to hack a corporation’s databases by digital hackers. Linking Words
For instance
, when Korea’s most popular web search engine Naver was hacked, it allowed 240,000 citizens’ personal Linking Words
data
to be exposed to identity theft and voice phishing crimes. Considering that the risk of being hacked by hackers can lead to a huge amount of financial loss and losing trust from clients will have a massive impact on business.
In conclusion, some individuals think that cloud Use synonyms
storage
on computers has more benefits. Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, I strongly believe that more consideration of other parties’ facing issues should be taken into account to achieve more sustainable advantages.Linking Words
Submitted by rachael0124 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and presents a clear stance. However, some of the arguments could be further expanded to provide more depth, particularly in discussing the disadvantages. Consider providing additional specific examples or theoretical perspectives.
coherence cohesion
There are small grammatical errors and occasional awkward phrasing that slightly affect the clarity of your arguments. Pay attention to these to ensure your ideas are communicated more precisely.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize your stance.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as the Naver incident in Korea, to support your main points. This helps to make your arguments more convincing and relevant.