In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

With an ever-increasing concern about how to handle electronic personal

data

Use synonyms

storage

Use synonyms

issues, some individuals may have opined that cloud

storage

Use synonyms

has an inevitable advantage.

This

Linking Words

essay will,

however

Linking Words

, provide some reasons why I strongly believe electronic

data

Use synonyms

processing exerts a negative effect on

corporations

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

with, some individuals may argue that electronic

data

Use synonyms

conversion offers more advantages. Since electronic

data

Use synonyms

storage

Use synonyms

allows

corporations

Use synonyms

to use fewer resources

such

Linking Words

as paper, toner, printers and human labour needed to organize the printed documents, they can maximize their profits by storing

data

Use synonyms

on computers.

Moreover

Linking Words

, reducing the consumption of natural resources leads to environmentally sustainable

corporations

Use synonyms

which bring eco-friendly images that help to have favourable brand portraits to the public.

Therefore

Linking Words

, those

corporations

Use synonyms

can benefit from the activated implementation of electronic information

storage

Use synonyms

. Despite the reasons mentioned above, I completely contend that

this

Linking Words

trend will ultimately deteriorate the entire society in the long term. Providing a few agreements on previous opinions, and moving to other oppositions can illuminate a different perspective. Relying on personal

data

Use synonyms

on computers puts citizens exposed to online crimes

due to

Linking Words

the greater number of attempts to hack a corporation’s databases by digital hackers.

For instance

Linking Words

, when Korea’s most popular web search engine Naver was hacked, it allowed 240,000 citizens’ personal

data

Use synonyms

to be exposed to identity theft and voice phishing crimes. Considering that the risk of being hacked by hackers can lead to a huge amount of financial loss and losing trust from clients will have a massive impact on business. In conclusion, some individuals think that cloud

storage

Use synonyms

on computers has more benefits.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, I strongly believe that more consideration of other parties’ facing issues should be taken into account to achieve more sustainable advantages.

rachael0124Wed Jul 10 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic well and presents a clear stance. However, some of the arguments could be further expanded to provide more depth, particularly in discussing the disadvantages. Consider providing additional specific examples or theoretical perspectives.

coherence cohesion

There are small grammatical errors and occasional awkward phrasing that slightly affect the clarity of your arguments. Pay attention to these to ensure your ideas are communicated more precisely.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize your stance.

task achievement

You provided specific examples, such as the Naver incident in Korea, to support your main points. This helps to make your arguments more convincing and relevant.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

technological era
personal information
service optimisation
tailored advertising
personalized services
data breaches
misuse of information
ethical implications
explicit consent
encryption
data protection
General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR)
security measures
legal framework
consumer awareness
data literacy
decentralization
blockchain technology
convenience
privacy
digital age

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Pie Chart The amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.
The pie charts show the amount of revenue and expenditures in 2016 for a children’s charity in the USA. Overall, it can be seen that donated food accounted for the majority of the income, while program services accounted for the most expenditure. Total revenue sources just exceeded outgoings.
7.5
band
The growth of consumerism has led to a throw-away culture where people are more concerned with acquiring material possessions than protecting the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
To begin, the surge in advertising and media influence has fueled consumerist behaviour, encouraging individuals to acquire the latest products for social status and personal satisfaction. The availability of cheap, mass-produced goods has made it easier for people to dispose of items hastily rather than repairing or reusing them, contributing to the throw-away culture.
6.5
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
According to some people, the extinction of plants and animals is the biggest environmental threat we face today. While I do not admit that this is a major issue, in my opinion, there are even bigger causes for concern.
5.5
band
More and more people are leaving countryside to live in cities. Do more advantages or disadvantages of this development for environment
In this rapid development that is centralized in big cities, people who live in rural areas start to settle in metropolises to seek bigger opportunities. I believe this condition brings detrimental effects to our natural environment because it reduces green areas and contributes to global warming.
7
band
Some people think it is necessary to use animals for testing medicines intended for human use. Others, however, it is cruel to do that. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
These days, some people believe that chemical formulas that are invented to cure human beings should be tested first on animals. However, others say that it is ruthless behavior of humans and such activities should be ceased. I agree with the latter part and this essay will shed light on its valid points in further discussion.

In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Pie Chart The amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.

The growth of consumerism has led to a throw-away culture where people are more concerned with acquiring material possessions than protecting the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

More and more people are leaving countryside to live in cities. Do more advantages or disadvantages of this development for environment

Some people think it is necessary to use animals for testing medicines intended for human use. Others, however, it is cruel to do that. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.