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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is observed that, currently more and more people are working longer hours. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What effects does this have on the society?.

#people #hours #phenomenon #effects #society
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In the modern era, performance has become an indispensable part of human life. It is believed that some individuals that people have started doing
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for long hours to fulfil their needs. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the main reasons behind
this
 notion and, I will
also
 explain how
this
 phenomenon can be harmful to society. To start with, there are several causes that why
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
 are working so hard in today's world. The most prominent is, they want to acquire a high status among others by earning extra money. To explain it, some folk have a rich background and, to maintain their status, they
do task
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 hard.
Secondly
, the masses are willing to provide quality education to their young ones. To do so, they must have great finances so they can afford expensive education. To cite an example, most of the Indian High schools charge around 100 thousand rupees a year from students.
However
,
this
 advancement can have a plethora of negative effects on an individual.
Firstly
, it can lead them towards depression and stress.
For instance
, after utilizing long hours at production ,they hardly save little time for their families to discuss their personal problems. They do not have enough time for outings and, express their feelings for loved ones.
As a consequence
, people always feel burdened, lonely and, stressed.
To sum up
,
although
 working hard is necessary to live a better life and, make a bright future its drawbacks can not be neglected at any cost
such
 as stress and anxiety.
Submitted by sandhuarsh1320 on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the essay's thesis, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the thesis in light of the evidence presented.
cohesion
Work on paragraphing and use cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns) effectively to ensure the flow of ideas from one sentence to another and from one paragraph to the next.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task. Clearly state your main ideas and support them with relevant, specific examples. Ensure your essay answers both the 'causes' and 'effects' parts of the question thoroughly.
language
Improve the range of vocabulary and accuracy of grammar to articulate ideas more precisely and make the argument more persuasive.
grammar and vocabulary
Be careful with the use of articles and pluralization, and aim to vary your sentence structures to enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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