IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people thinks computer games have negative impacts on children.To what extent do you agreee or disagree ?

#people #computer #games #impacts #children #agreee
Nowadays mobile
phones
 and
computers
 are part of our life. Because our work is not done without mobile
phones
 and
computers
. There are good and bad sides. We can see all the places in the world, we can play the games we want, we can listen to music which we want, we can do our homework online, we can talk face to face over the phone and we can do a lot works with mobile
phones
 and
computers
. There are many types of mobile
phones
 and
computers
. Of them "iPhone", "Samsung", "LG", "Acer" and others. There are 2 types of
computers
. Of them "Computer" and "Laptop". They are working with the "Windows" system.
Computers
 and mobile
phones
 are useful.
On the other hand
computers
 and mobile
phones
 have their downsides. We lost our ability to see. Humans don't do homework and don't read the book with mobile
phones
 and
computers
. As people are distracted by mobile
phones
 and
computers
. Mobile
phones
 and
computers
 are spread by itself harmful lights. If we don't use
phones
 in the measure we lose time. Time is expensive and cannot be found again. We must use our
phones
 to measure
while
 keeping a distance. Of course, mobile
phones
 and
computers
 are necessary and useful but everything has a measure.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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task response
Make sure to directly address the question prompt in your introduction and throughout the essay to clearly state your viewpoint.
task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each representing a distinct idea or argument. This includes having a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This improves the flow of the essay.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted both the positive and negative aspects of using mobile phones and computers, showing a balanced view.
task achievement
You provided a variety of examples to illustrate the impact of mobile phones and computers on life, which is positive for task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay covers a broad aspect of the importance and the downside of technology in our lives, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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