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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many children today are overweight and in poor physical shape. Give the reasons for this and offer solutions.

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In today's modern world, numerous
children
Use synonyms
 worldwide face
health
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 issues. Especially in overweight and physical shape difficulties. Many young people have bad habits and idle lifestyles which could negatively lead to both aforementioned cases.
This
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 essay will examine the real crucial reasons behind
this
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 growing problem and propose effective solutions to improve their fitness levels.
To begin
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 with, childhood is a sensitive stage that could be easily affected by any factor when it comes to
health
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 problems.
However
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, the most widespread reason for these issues is the unhealthy diet that
children
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 consume. To explain, the majority of the diets that today's young generation
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
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 are missing some elements and fundamental nutrition,
such
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 as protein or vitamin intake.
As a consequence
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, they would get more interested in other unhealthy choices of food. Another important factor is the sedentary lifestyle. To demonstrate, it can be clearly seen that
children
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 now are
move
Wrong verb form
moving
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 less than in the past.
This
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 is
due to
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 the introduction of new types of entertainment that require no physical effort, video games
for instance
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.
Therefore
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, these are the most common causes of the aforementioned
health
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 issues. In order to solve these
health
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 obstacles, there are several decisions that could be applied to
children
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.
First,
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finding a healthy diet that suits every child and their body type is essential.
This
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 will not only decrease the chances of past problems but
also
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 raise the average
health
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 in general.
Furthermore
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, a positive step that could be taken to end these difficulties is introducing the
children
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 to sports. In that case, their weight and bodies would be significantly better than before,
due to
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 the constant physical movement that will benefit them
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at
Change preposition
in
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 the end.
Thus
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, these are the approaches that could be taken to end
this
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 difficulty. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are several reasons responsible for obesity in young people.
However
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, there are multiple, solid solutions to address these
health
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 concerns.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly articulate your main point in the introduction and maintain focus throughout the essay. Transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your arguments, which would enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You effectively identified relevant causes and proposed concrete solutions for the issue of child obesity.
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