IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #cars #motorbikes
Increasing road safety is a hotly debated topic that often divides opinion.
While
 some people believe that expanding the minimum legal
age
 for driving vehicles is the best way, others have opposite thoughts. I think that, despite the convenience it brings, it still does more harm than good. On the one hand, it is admitted that when maximizing the legal
age
 for driving, it might decrease the accidents, because of the thinking about children that they are very little to know much about the laws. Youngsters should control the small distribution of vehicles or bikes their bicycles are reasonable choices.To explain,
this
 helps their health better and increases their flexibility.
On the other hand
, despite the benefits of raising the legal
age
, we should more pay attention to educating the
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
 generations because only when their awareness is increased can we reduce accidents.
Furthermore
, the government should issue higher fines to traffic safety violators.
For instance
, imposing penalties for activities
such
 as drinking alcohol
while
 driving or not wearing a helmet when participating in traffic.
In addition
, when limiting the juristic
age
 leads to many things
such
 as the ability of younger for work or
further
 work.
This
 causes many disadvantages In conclusion, with the heaps of benefits it brings, we can not deny the importance of limiting the legal
age
.
Although
 that rule is very pivotal, it
also
 needs other elements
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt, clearly stating your position and developing it with specific, detailed examples. Your essay could benefit from clearer delineation of your stance and more directly relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, aim for a logical flow of ideas by using a variety of transition words and phrases to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations, to strengthen the cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!