IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charginig poeple for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the modern era, There is an ongoing controversy about whether museums should be free or not. I think a low fee can be beneficial for both people and these public areas and I'm going to explain more about it in the rest of
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, advocates of charging for admission tout its many advantages.
Firstly
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,
this
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 money can be devoted to security issues which leads to a better preservation of historical things.
For example
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, in 2023, about 1000 historical things were stolen because of
incapacity
Correct article usage
the incapacity
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 of security teams that could be prevented by some more budget.
Secondly
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, with more budget, museums can provide better service to viewers and make a memorial experience for them which can draw more tourists and become a tourist spot which has a positive impact on
local
Add an article
the local
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 economy.
Finally
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, a fee can prevent overcrowding in these spots and make a convenient space for individuals which helps them learn better about their history and culture.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 issue may have some drawbacks as well. Charging for admission can be a barrier for poor groups of society to increase their information about the culture of their people.
Hence
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, the traditional ritual can be forgotten because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of sufficient promotion.
Additionally
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, free museums can bring
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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people from disparate groups of the community with thas same interests together
regarless
Correct your spelling
regardless
 of their financial status and increase empathy.
Last
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 year,
for example
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, I
find
Wrong verb form
found
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 a peer in the
museus
Correct your spelling
museums
museum
 near my house who was interested in history like me.
To conclude
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, I believe a low fee can enhance the experience of visiting new
palces
Correct your spelling
places
 for members of society and help to improve the service provided by the museum as well.

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Task Achievement
Focus on fully addressing the question. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your stance and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to improve the logical flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Introduce more specific examples to illustrate your points. Try to draw from a wider range of sources or hypothetical scenarios that could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Watch your spelling and grammatical structures to ensure clarity and accuracy in your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessible
  • promotes
  • demographic
  • financial status
  • steady income
  • maintain
  • collections
  • fund research
  • facilities
  • enhancing
  • overcrowding
  • detract
  • strain
  • resources
  • discourage
  • educational resources
  • cultural enrichment
  • subsidize
  • exhibitions
  • nominal
  • exceptions
  • revenue
  • accessibility
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