IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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All over the world, numerous individuals communicate and access
information
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 through social
media
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. Despite
this
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 writer
contending
Wrong verb form
contends
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 that its convenience and accessibility outweigh the
drawback
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drawbacks
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 of health problems. The most noticeable factor is that
people
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 can access
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Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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eveywhere
Correct your spelling
anywhere
. Its influence has been widespread around the world, which
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 a vast network.
This
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 allows
users
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 to connect easily to their friends and relatives, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 have gone abroad.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 no extra payment,
people
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 are able to use the apps as much as they like.
Thus
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, its convenience supports individuals to keep in touch with their acquaintances.
However
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, some opponents believe that social
media
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 is harmful to health, both physically and mentally. Not only damaging
brain
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the brain
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, social
media
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 may
also
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 lead to
pyschiatric
Correct your spelling
psychiatric
 problems
such
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 as anxiety and depression.
Although
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this
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 idea has its right, using
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 logically and in a short period would avoid those issues.
Hence
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, only
use
Wrong verb form
using
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Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 when necessary
aid
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aids
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users
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their
Change preposition
in their
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 tasks effectively. Another thing is that social
media
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 has
a
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apply
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numerous and immediate
information
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 resources. It is undeniable that news always updates, every hour and every day. Because of
this
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, it is difficult for
users
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 to get
information
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 comprehensively.
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Internet
Add an article
The Internet
show examples
 provides its
users
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 quick access immediately, and
this
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help
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helps
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people
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 to catch up with the situation
easier
Rephrase
more easily
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as well as
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 know their acquaintances' s activities at that time.
According to
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 a group of researchers from
USA
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the USA
show examples
, approximately 80%
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people
Change preposition
of people
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 use social
media
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 as their main
information
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resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
. Taking all into consideration, the drawback of health issues is outweighed by the convenience and accessibility.
Hence
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, governments should restrict the
information
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 on the
internet
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 to avoid incorrect knowledge and misunderstanding.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to integrate a comprehensive introduction that clearly states your stance on the issue. Also, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and restates your position.
Task Achievement
Focus on developing your ideas more comprehensively by adding more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This not only strengthens your position but also makes your response more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a logical structure throughout your essay by clearly organizing paragraphs around main ideas and using linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Introduce the main idea at the beginning of the paragraph and then develop it with explanations, examples, or arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global community
  • maintain relationships
  • immediate updates
  • self-expression
  • networking opportunities
  • overuse
  • misinformation
  • privacy concerns
  • personal data
  • culture of comparison
  • decreased self-esteem
  • dissatisfaction
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