Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

All over the world, numerous individuals communicate and access
information
through social
media
. Despite
this
writer
contending
Wrong verb form
contends
show examples
that its convenience and accessibility outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
of health problems. The most noticeable factor is that
people
can access
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
eveywhere
Correct your spelling
anywhere
. Its influence has been widespread around the world, which
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
a vast network.
This
allows
users
to connect easily to their friends and relatives, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
have gone abroad.
Moreover
,
due to
no extra payment,
people
are able to use the apps as much as they like.
Thus
, its convenience supports individuals to keep in touch with their acquaintances.
However
, some opponents believe that social
media
is harmful to health, both physically and mentally. Not only damaging
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
, social
media
may
also
lead to
pyschiatric
Correct your spelling
psychiatric
problems
such
as anxiety and depression.
Although
this
idea has its right, using
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
logically and in a short period would avoid those issues.
Hence
, only
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
when necessary
aid
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aids
show examples
users
their
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in their
show examples
tasks effectively. Another thing is that social
media
has
a
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apply
show examples
numerous and immediate
information
resources. It is undeniable that news always updates, every hour and every day. Because of
this
, it is difficult for
users
to get
information
comprehensively.
Internet
Add an article
The Internet
show examples
provides its
users
quick access immediately, and
this
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
to catch up with the situation
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
as well as
know their acquaintances' s activities at that time.
According to
a group of researchers from
USA
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the USA
show examples
, approximately 80%
people
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of people
show examples
use social
media
as their main
information
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
. Taking all into consideration, the drawback of health issues is outweighed by the convenience and accessibility.
Hence
, governments should restrict the
information
on the
internet
to avoid incorrect knowledge and misunderstanding.
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Task Achievement
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Task Achievement
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Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a logical structure throughout your essay by clearly organizing paragraphs around main ideas and using linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global community
  • maintain relationships
  • immediate updates
  • self-expression
  • networking opportunities
  • overuse
  • misinformation
  • privacy concerns
  • personal data
  • culture of comparison
  • decreased self-esteem
  • dissatisfaction
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