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Band 7.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
Some individuals think that studying at university or learning college
education
 is the golden opportunity to have a successful career,
whereas
 other
people
 consider that it is better to land a
job
 straight after school.
However
, I completely agree with the former point of view.
To begin
 with a variety of higher
education
 after school. First and foremost, it could give a chance to young generations to get a well-paid
job
.
This
 is because they will have diplomas or qualifications after studying at different universities. Second of all, it may help them to show off themselves. What I mean is that
people
 consider them as well-educated
people
 in many places, especially in modern cities.
In addition
 to that, nowadays employers pay attention to where they study. Most of the workplaces give a
job
 to other
people
 or promote them
according to
 their diplomas.
For example
, if they study at top universities, it leads to having so many choices to get a profession.
However
, when it comes to landing a
job
 straight away after school. As the coin has two sides. It has the potential to lead to something positive. First of all, for some
people
, it is just a waste of time.
This
 is because finding a
job
 is not a very challenging task. They are able to grasp the importance of it. In terms of others, it is very difficult. Second of all, it is generally known that at some workplaces they do not pay attention to the qualification. When they promote one of their employees, they consider the time or duration that worker works for them.
Therefore
, other
people
 do not always think that higher
education
 plays a key role in their professional lives. By way of conclusion, I once again restate my position that studying higher
education
 plays an important role in a successful profession.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your essay has a good structure, but could benefit from even clearer transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop each paragraph with a clear main idea, supported by specific examples or reasons. While you've provided good support for your ideas, more specific examples could enhance your arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. You have responded well to the task, but providing a balanced view with more depth could further strengthen your response.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are presented in a clear and comprehensible manner. You have achieved this, but refining and clarifying your arguments can make your essay more impactful.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
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